Reply to What's the hardest part of marriage at midlife

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Unresolved resentments from early in our marriage.  You don’t realize when these things are happening that you will carry them around in the background for the rest of your life. [/quote]
Work on YOU.  Resentment is toxic. Learn grace and how to forgive.  I'm sure your spouse has forgiven you for several of your own inadequacies.[/quote]

I’ve forgiven him.  It was all years and years ago.  But it doesn’t just go away.  It all still happened.  
[/quote]

But this is where the poster’s comment on work comes in. You have to make the efforts to reconnect in new ways so the long ago hurt is not so present for you. [/quote]

I said that these exist in the background.  Not just for me, but for both of us.  It’s not like I’m constantly ruminating on them.  It’s more like if he gets upset he can’t find his socks, it brings up a memory of when he pulled me out of the shower to show me how I put the diapers in the wrong place.  Or if I’m not interested in sex one night, he remembers all the times he got back from work travel and I told him I was “touched out” from being solo with the kids.

We can’t be like we were when we were first married.  There is too much water under the bridge.  It cuts both ways.  We share many, many good memories too.  We raised children together and have a lot of inside jokes and have really been there for each other too.  [/quote]

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