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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The easier and more relaxed vibe in the Midwest as compared to DC or the east coast in general is a real and obvious difference and one of the reasons Dh and I moved from DC to the Midwest when we had kids. We now live in an UMC-UC area and you’d think the stress and pressure would be similar given the similar socioeconomics but it’s much more chill and laid back. DH (east coast native) didn’t believe me (Midwest native) when we lived in DC that it could be that different but once we moved he now talks about it all the time and how surprised he was.[/quote]
^yes, I love the Midwest relaxed feeling. It’s like you can just enjoy your life and free time instead of always being busy and striving. [/quote]

I don't feel like I am always busy and striving.  That's on you if you yield to outside pressure[/quote]

+1. I live in DC and never feel like I’m
striving. I also am around friends who are similarly relaxed. There are actually a lot of us around. I feel like it’s more a case that you don’t notice relaxed people like this because you are insecure and so only paying attention to people who you think are somehow better than you.[/quote]

I am also in DC and don't feel like I'm always busy and striving and we have friends who are similar. But I also get what PPs are saying about this being part of the culture. Even though we keep things pretty relaxed (we avoid kid activities on the weekends and don't have sporty kids and we just go to the IB public and do more local stuff than a lot of travel) we certainly know lots of people in this area who are exactly as PPs describe -- just constant activity and always talking about the next thing and new thing. We don't choose to make these folks our close friends because we just are not super into that kind of hustle but they are around and we have many as neighbors or fellow parents at school. I won't pretend this is not part of the culture here.

I think part of it is learning how to detach from that aspect of the culture here. I do think it can be hard when every time you interact with fellow parents at school or in the neighborhood they are like "where are you going what are you doing here is a list of 14 activities we are doing this month." You can be very happy with your life and choices and when you encounter enough of that it can make you feel anxious even if you have no intention of actually participating in that race.

I have found that as my kids have gotten older it gets easier because the parents you interact with become known quantities and you know who is intense and who is more relaxed and you can both choose who to interact with and also have more practice saying "Oh cool that sounds great -- we're just hanging out around here this summer with maybe some extra pool time and a couple weekend road trips to VA or something." The more you do it the easier it gets and you don't have that same anxiety anymore.

But when the kids were younger and we were still getting the hang of things (and I think there's more anxiety generally because so much about your kids is unknown when they are really little and you are more protective) I remember coming home from school events or neighborhood things and just feeling like a ball of stress. Even now we get that sometimes whenever our kids enter a new school or phase or activity and you meet the new families and have to repeat this process. I also cringe when I think about the college process because I already hear even fairly relaxed families around us discussing it and I just think that's tough in this area -- so many people are very status conscious about education and college is where people's manners and ability to mask very competitive behavior gets really tested.

So both things are true. Yes there are plenty of families who don't participate in the Parent Olympics and keep things a bit more chill but also no way are you avoiding the people who ARE very competitive and intense in this area and you have to learn how to navigate around them. I don't know if that's super different elsewhere but I would assume there is a higher percent of intense people here than elsewhere because there are more intense jobs here and more high achievers who had to be intense about their own paths in life and that gets passed on to kids. I previously lived in Silicon Valley and it was definitely worse there than here but DC is almost certainly worse than a place like Cleveland. It's all a matter of degrees.[/quote]

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