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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why is it on the victim to be the better person?  What about the guy who cheated?  He was certainly not the better person.  Why should his shitry actions be hidden and protected?  And certainly the other woman has no right not to be bad mouthed.  
Depending on kids ages I think it’s ok to be honest about how this couple met and that you are hurt by their relationship.  [/quote]

It is on the parent to be a responsible parent with the kids' best interest in mind no matter what has happened to the parent.  There is no need to hide anything, but it would be horrendously destructive for you to speak poorly of your childrens' other parent in front of them.  Grow up and be a parent.[/quote]

Why does the parent who cheated get a pass for cheating and causing an event that is horrendously destructive to their family and children? Why does your advice “grow up and be a parent” not apply to them as well?

“It is on the parent to be a responsible parent with the kids' best interest in mind no matter what has happened to the parent.”

Would that include not cheating on your spouse? How is sneaking around and having an intimate relationship with a person who is not your marriage partner being a responsible parent? Is it in the kids best interest to do that? [/quote]

They don’t get a “pass”. Once the children are old enough to ask questions, you can tell the truth in an age appropriate way that doesn’t make the children bear the burden of their parents behavior.  Not destroying your children’s innocence at young ages is not giving their parent a “pass”. Your kids will decide what impact their parents behavior should have on their long term adult relationship with their parent.[/quote]

The children are already bearing the burden of their parents’s behavior.

The parent who cheated destroyed the children’s innocence.

[/quote]

Ok. Behave like a bitter aggrieved adult and burden your children with your pain. Sink to the level of the cheating spouse in your rage. Your kids will wind up alienated from both of you— then it will be fair?[/quote]

I am not talking about burdening children with pain, or being bitter. I am simply talking about being truthful with children.

you said: “They don’t get a “pass”. Once the children are old enough to ask questions, you can tell the truth in an age appropriate way that doesn’t make the children bear the burden of their parents behavior.”

So if a 5 year old child cries and says they want mommy and daddy to live together again, what do you suggest the child is told?
Do you want the non-cheating parent to lie to their child?

Nobody is talking about turning the children against the other parent or going nuts and telling children inappropriate details and making them your therapist.

Nobody is talking about raging about the ex in front of the children. There are probably people who do that, but I am talking about answering children’s questions, as you stated, truthfully.

Should children be lied to to cover up a parent’s infidelity?[/quote]

Five?! Is this a real question??

In case this is real and you have no access to parenting resources— you validate a five year olds emotions, you tell them you know they’re sad and it’s OK to be sad. You tell them that even though mommy and daddy don’t live together and that’s really hard— and sad — child is loved every day.

What in the world do you think you say to a five year old crying?!?? You think saying your father was unfaithful helps them at all??? I hope your ex has custody if this is a real question. 
[/quote]

Saying mom AND dad decided they will not live together is not helpful either. You don't have to say "unfaithful" but you can say mom (or whoever the cheater is) has decided she want mom and dad to not live together.

The dad can say "this was not my decision, you mom decided she didn't want to be married anymore."[/quote]

So ya both decided to end the marriage.  Keep it simple. Otherwise it devolves to confusing bickering[/quote]

No. You do not lie about how the marriage ended. You say the cheater decided that they did not want to be married and the cheated on doesn't have a say. It only takes 1 person to end a marriage.

[b]The cheater can explain why they decided to end the marriage.[/b]

If the cheated on didn't want to end the marriage they can't say why the marriage ended. What do you want them to say, your parent is a cruel and evil person so we are divorcing.

You don't leave kids with no reason. The reason is one parent decided to not be married and the other parent had no choice in the matter. [/quote]

And so if the cheating spouse says they ended the marriage because Mommy “didn’t love him” but step mommy/AP loves him, ayou’re fine with that? Because it’s on the cheating spouse to explain? You don’t seem to realize the can of worms you’re opening. [/quote]

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