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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m reminded of when we lived in Scarsdale, where dual high-income families were commonplace.  I was eavesdropping on some high school boys having lunch in a local deli.  They were talking about another boy, and how his mom is a doctor who works overnights at a hospital so he never sees her.  And they all had such genuine sadness for him over that fact.  I just have to wonder what’s the point of having such a big job that you don’t ever see your kids.  [/quote]

I’m a mom who works overnights in a hospital so that I CAN be there for my kids.  I’m sleeping, but home during the day if there is any kind of emergency at school or sick child who needs to stay home.  I pick my kids up at school every day, drive them to extracurriculars, help with homework, make dinner, and read them stories before bed.  Then I take a quick nap and go in to work at midnight.

Working nights is not a “big job.”  No one is working nights and doing hospital administration or getting big research dollars.  Doctors working nights are taking care of sick people who need emergent care.  I don’t know how you can’t see the point of that.  
[/quote]

Sorry about the rant.

I agree with you, OP.  My sister is 10 years younger than I am, and she is about your age.  I have noticed that there are very different expectations of her husband at home.  I’ve seen this with my residents too.  I’m not a surgeon or in any high intensity field,  but over the last 10 years or so, I’ve started seeing expectations shift, and men with kids are expected to take leave when their babies are born, to need to leave on time, and to take occasional sick days to take care of children.  10-15 years ago, the expectation was that men had no responsibilities outside of work, and their wives (or someone?) would handle everything.  [/quote]

Old millennial here. Culture has changed but so have workplace policies. With my first, who's almost 10, my husband got 3 weeks paternity leave and only took 2 so he could have one "just in case" when I went back to work. He had just switched jobs, and when we were previously at the same employer, the benefit was 8 weeks...for the primary parent only. As in, we had to declare one of us "primary" and only that person got the crappy leave.

Then I was a fed when I had #2, less than a year before paid parental leave passed. We have only had paid parental leave for government employees for 3 years. That's a HUGE change. The culture has changed around it too. New parents I know try to use their paid leave plus vacation/sick time to extend leave to 4-6 months. Anyone who tried to do this with unpaid FMLA before got a really hard time about it and sometimes outright rejection.

Anyway, I think generous leave policies for both parents are part of the shift, and they're REALLY recent. [/quote]

Agree. This has been a huge change, and my kids are 10 and 13 years old. My DH took 2 weeks of sick leave with each new baby (which was considered generous). I was a fed and could only have 12 weeks off total (mostly unpaid).[/quote]

+3 (or 4?).  
There is also a change of generation in administration.  15 years ago it was all boomers and older Gen X who had a chip on their shoulder about young mother’s being in the workforce.  Even, or maybe especially, other women.  It was like they wanted to prove that you couldn’t hack it.   [/quote]

LOL, most of my managers have been childless Gen X scared to touch any discussion of leave with a 10 foot pole. I've been horrified by how little HR knows about how benefits work though, I've literally had to quote and send them links to OPM guidance when they've said "I don't know if you can do that" (e.g. take intermitten FMLA, a thing I would think most HR people had gotten training in). We have to be our own best advocates.

I think one of the major differences now vs 10 years ago, or 20, is that we CAN do that, whereas the older Gen X and Boomers didn't have the benefits and had a lot more likelihood of retaliation or being passed over for opportunities. If men use their benefits too, then it makes discrimination based on parental status less likely as well. [/quote]

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