Reply to Equitable/reasonable division of care among siblings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think what you require the sibling "to do" is not a necessity. If your elderly parent or grandma is still wanting to go to a beauty salon, she isn't helpless. Where are her friends? Why is she computer illiterate? There are lots of suggestions (order groceries online, go by uber etc) that work, but for some reason you want the sibling to do things your way. I can see why there are disagreements. [/quote]

It's clear that sibling #1 is doing too much and sounds quite controlling. Sibling #3 is not obligated to do all these unnecessary things. Are you all suggesting somebody have dinner with parent every single night? That's way too much. She is a grown woman, who clearly has still has all her faculties. She can eat alone most nights. Sibling #1 is probably smothering her.[/quote]

Nobody has suggested someone eat dinner with mom every night.

We’ve suggested a million different ways the unhelpful one could do something that would be at least somewhat helpful.

If you are too busy to ever take responsibility for a medical appointment or haircut, then how about swinging by for dinner when your kids don’t have an activity? Better yet: bring the kids! Pick up McDonald’s for all I care. Just do something..:anything.

But it’s easier to just pop by for 20 mins once a quarter. I get it. [/quote]

Didn’t you just say she doesn’t need help at dinner?[/quote]

Tell me you think it’s okay to ignore an elderly relative who has begun to decline by not checking in on them periodically without saying it directly…[/quote]

I'm not the pp you quoted.
But OP, you seem to have very specific and rigid ideas of what "checking in on them" and "periodically" means.[/quote]

To be clear, this is my very specific and rigid idea:

To text the siblings once or twice a month to say hello and ask if there’s anything they could do for mom.

Recognizing they won’t do that, I’m fine with if they would call her or visit more than once every few months. Bonus points if they don’t show up empty handed.

That’s it.

If that’s too rigid or specific, then I’m curious how you treat your aging parents? [/quote]

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