Reply to Rant: “you look amazing”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Sequel to this thread:

"I dropped my post-partum weight in record time and NO ONE complimented me. I feel so hurt and unseen."

People can't win with OP et al. You need to be validated, but only in the right way, at the right time, and you can't tell others exactly how you want your validation, because you don't want them to know you desperately crave attention, so they have to guess, and if they guess wrong, they're the WORST SORT OF WOMAN-HATER.

[img]https://i.pinimg.com/originals/36/27/08/3627086210e90afc96026f77e6be8918.jpg[/img][/quote]

Complimenting a person on their weight loss is not "seeing" them. It's seeing their weight. I know people complain about not being validated for their weight loss but I actually think this is part of realizing that being thinner does not actually heal what are actually emotional wounds. People need to feel validated for who they are as people, not how they look.

It IS a thorny issue, because as a society we put way too much pressure on women to look a certain way and are especially critical of how women look after having children. So a lot of women have a lot of insecurities on this issue. But that does not mean we need to feed the insecurities by constantly commenting on women's bodies. It means we need to stop fixating on physical appearance as a proxy for emotional well being. That's what OP is asking for -- for people to care about her emotional well being an not to get stuck on who well they think she looks. [/quote]

The reason people get upset about people not commenting on weight loss is because people seemed just fine to comment on weight gain or them being fat in the first place which would all be negated if we just stopped commenting on people's bodies. It starts so insidiously with little girls and its hard habit to break when the first positive comment is always about their bodies or hair or etc. [/quote]

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