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[quote=Anonymous]I managed someone who sounds a bit like this in some ways. Here's what I learned:

1.ACTIVELY MANAGE. If you are her supervisor, don't say "could you please," hint, and let her assign her work BACK to you. Be directive and say "I need you to do this by Friday. If the new task affects your ability to do that, I want you to discuss your priorities and new timelines with me so we have a plan for completion." It sounds like as a woman you're used to softening everything and couching as requests. Stop doing that. The reason she's not being deferential is partly her, but partly you - if you manage her, you actually do have authority, and you're not using it. Just be direct. It's not rude.

2. Let her lead with her strengths to the extent feasible. If she's passionate about DEI and there is an initiative she could join, channel that. If her directness can help address issues that are real in your culture (which was the case in mine), listen and use your authority to make clear you're not throwing the new person under the bus. At the same time, make sure it's a clearly defined and finite time commitment, not taking over her whole job.

2. You probably missed the best opportunity for saying "put away your phone," that should have been an initial conversation, but make sure you talk to her about formal meeting expectations with leadership etc. It's embarrassing for you as a manager if she does that. Ignore office decor complaints, who cares. [/quote]

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