Reply to I filed for divorce today and feel awful

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, she still spanks them - my 12 year old was smacked the other day.  Her mother was a spanker and I think this is where she got this from.

Regarding custody, I am looking for two nights a week and every other weekend.  Unless your wife is an ax murderer, sole custody for a man is fruitless to attempt.[/quote]
[b]
Re: the spanking.  Out of concern for the kids, I would talk to your attorney about that.[/b]  Not divorced (so no experience there) but I wonder if you could put in writing where she agrees not to spank the kids.  I would think most experts in childhood behavior would view spanking to be abusive and hurts a child self-esteem and the family law courts would tend to agree.  Definitely not the right route to go with disciplining teenagers.  Seems to be just an anger reaction instead of logical parenting and what does it model for the kids?
[/quote]

I am planning to do this.  There have been times where in front of the kids I have told her to stop to no avail.  [/quote]

OP, does she have anger managment problems or perhaps untreated depression/ADHD?[b] It is uncommon for someone to hit children in middle school.[/b] I also fear that the stress will cause her to be more abusive to the kids. It sounds like an emotional connection is missing there too. I dunno, in your shoes I might want to stick around for the kids OP. Find your "connection" elsewhere if you must but it doesn't sound like your kids are going to get their emotional needs met. If she hits them in front of you when you object how abandoned are they going to feel that you've left altogether? Shouldn't you be protecting them?

Were her parents abusive? EMDR is supposed to be very helpful. [/quote]

I've never heard that parental violence decreased after children reach a certain age. Can you cite sources?[/quote]

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