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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?[/quote]

I’m confused by your confusion.  They mask.  All crappy partners “mask.”  Alcoholics, addicts, rage-aholics, sex addicts, and perennial losers.  They keep it together for as long as they need to and once they feel comfortable, the real them comes out.[/quote]
No one can “mask” being a loser. That would require high sociopathic intelligence and willful deception. If he’s a failure to launch bum, he is almost certainly not that smart or sophisticated.

The whole thing about failure to launch is it is immediately visible, ie. still living in mom’s basement, holding down menial jobs etc. (NOT being a GS 14, wth?)[/quote]

All the failure to launch types I know failed to launch because they never had to. Either extremely wealthy or enabled by parents who could support them. They are smart, well-read, well-traveled, well-educated, own homes and usually work at something in a casual way that doesn't bring in much money. 
I should know, since I'm one of them. [/quote]

Good for you.

All the FTL 20-50 yos we know have unmanaged adhd or aspergers. Many of their parents do as well so they can’t figure it out.

Right now one was gifted a bunch of rental properties because he can’t hold down a job without messing up or saying/doing someone foolish. [/quote]

Maybe it just sticks out more because these FTL DHs and [someone you know's] son are men.

How many women have well paid husbands--have a kid or more--then never go back to work.  Is it because they are "better at being a SAHM" than working at regular jobs?    DWs live in homes paid for by someone else, in this case their husband instead of wealthy parents.   They "just volunteer" and do other non-regular jobs.  Or have hobbies.  Or hang out in Europe.      When the shoe is on the other foot, it's not a FTL wife, is it?  Just the males.  Got it.

[/quote]
Didn’t catch who was parenting and raising the kids, managing the schedules / health/ ECs, maintaining the house, managing the staff and repair vendors, and planning the future trips and goals whilst the rich husband works all day and then night on his phone.[/quote]

DP. I don't think this was the dig you read this to be. There are tons of SAHM who manage their homes and their family's lives beautifully. SAHMs are like teachers. When they are good, they are great! But when they aren't...watch out.

I agree with the PP's premise: FTL husbands often become low-performing serial entrepreneurs. FTL wives often become low-performing SAHMs.

Like a PP, I think this applies to a few women in my family. Families really needed their income, but the wives made it clear they wanted to stay home. Except their SAHM skills weren't all that great - houses were dirty, junk food for meals, rare involvement at their kids' school, kids often failing classes. In hindsight, I dismissed some of these SAHMs as simply lazy. And that may have been part of it, but I also suspect many of the deeper issues cited here - spoiled/entitled, historically propped up by family, anxiety, ADHD, autism/ASD. [i]They were effectively using SAHM status to avoid the real world.[/i] My extended family is poor and it would totally make sense that mental health issues went undiagnosed. Most of these marriages ultimately crumbled.

I suspect an acquaintance is in this position. Married <3 years, wife has quit her job twice. Currently pregnant and looking for jobs. I doubt she goes back, and I doubt she'll be the June Cleaver SAHM either based on what I know of her. I still wish them the best.

[/quote]

I still don’t understand who is running the household, making the decisions, and raising the kids?  Neither the husband nor the sAHW?  And certainly not them together as a team.

Sounds like they’re both mentally disordered then. 
And their house is chaos and their kids are neglected, left to their own devices. [/quote]

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