Reply to Does your social circle have a lot of family money/trust funds?

Forum Index » Money and Finances

Reply to "Does your social circle have a lot of family money/trust funds? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ll bite. I grew up well off and most of my friends receive money from parents in one way or another. My husband and I both have well off parents. We received a down payment for our pretty average, not new construction home as a gift. HHI is around 450k and we get a 30k annual gift. Other than that - which is huge- we dont have a trust or know anything about inheritance. We watch our money very carefully, max out retirement, and live in an average house. We send our kids to private school and want a third child, so we’re carrying the lions share of our lifestyle expenses, which we need to work to do. I think our parents intended for it to be this way- if we need help for something legitimate, they’re there, but otherwise, the gifts are a head start and not intended to have us living beyond our means. [/quote]

So No, you don’t have a trust fund.

I have friends all over the map.  Our children have money in trust.    My husband has one. It bought our home so we didn’t need a mortgage, the kids have the private schools, summer camps, activities, vacations, cars.

We aren’t materialistic so our house is an old colonial that we never updated.  Used cars etc  It allows us to be debt free and still be able to pay for expensive experiences.  I also quit work early on to take care of my three kids along with my mother.   My husband would never quit work, “that’s not what men do”.

Why would anyone look down on people who work for a living?  I wouldn’t want to know people like that.  And I despise people who try to take advantage of workers by underpaying them.

It sounds like OP has curated a certain type of friend over the last ten years.    The OPs friends can’t all be from the neighborhood.   So it looks like an effort to sidle up to wealthy people and now realizing she can’t keep up with them.  [/quote]

You’re just wrong. We all live in the same neighborhood and have been friends for years, raising kids together. Very tight knit community. My very best friends are mostly those in the same situation as us. It’s just more relatable for us. [/quote]

Everyone in your neighborhood is in their 30s or 40s?     You have no friends outside of people who live near you?  What situation are you all in?    [/quote]

Everyone we socialize with on a regular basis, which is about a dozen families we are close with (travel with, go on girls trips annually, kids sleepover our house, parents co-coach youth sports with, etc) and about 30 families we see regularly at our kids’ school, country club, etc. We do have friends outside of people who live near us but that’s not who I’m talking about. We see other local friends every few months for dinners, etc. but the majority of our social group are people that live in our neighborhood and that’s who I am referring to. In no way are you correct in your assessment that I’m social climbing to be with wealthy individuals. I’ve actually created distance with a few friends that do have significant family money just because it’s not a great fit for us for travel and a close friendship because we aren’t on the same level and keeping up is tiring and we don’t want to overextend ourselves. Just zero in common. We prefer to be with people in similar situations as us, it’s just easier and we can be more open. [/quote]

That kind of confirms even more that you are way too aware of people’s money. I hope those friendships you dumped weren’t that close because friendships aren’t always about going to expensive resorts and travel.  I bet you could keep up meeting them for lunch or dinner or just to hang out and talk.  But you decided because they have so much more material wise than you do then you have nothing in common.   [/quote]

Except it was in my case and I had other best friends that just get me and understand where we are in life without having to explain constantly so I stepped back from one or two particular friendships where money was becoming an issue. In this case they were didn’t get it and I was constantly having to explain, example why we wouldn’t be supporting them and buying a $20k table at a gala with them or why I didn’t want to order the $120 bottle of Sancerre at a Tuesday lunch with friends. And money and spending was a topic so often brought up in a way jr wasn’t in my other friendships. Maybe you’re not like that? My point is I prefer people who “get” us without having to explain and that we can be more transparent about our situation. I still have plenty of friends with trust funds, but are closest friends are in similar situations as us and I prefer that. Just makes it easier. [/quote]

Interesting, would you mind saying generally where you live? The "older money" people we know often foot the bill for things like gala tables and drinks. They are happy to give to charity, spend the evening with the people they'd like around them, and get the tax break. They are usually far more generous with friends than those who are just high earners and who are still accumulating real wealth. The last sentence is particularly true of the non-working spouses. Do others also notice this?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics