Reply to We keep arguing about work and home responsibilities because we're both overwhelmed.

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Reply to "We keep arguing about work and home responsibilities because we're both overwhelmed."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]There are plenty of dads of young children at his salary level that get their work done in a way that allows them to be a contributing partner at home.[/quote]

Oh I wasn't saying it can't be done. I'm saying OP's DH is presenting this as a fait accompli; his hours are inflexible, his workouts are a priority, therefore she's gotta handle it all. OK. Well, but it seems he's also expecting her to do everything for these kids. There's a name for that: it's a SAHM. As long as he wants OP to have a job, and he wants nothing to change for him, that means they outsource. And on $270K combined salary in this area, that's either tricky or impossible while also paying for daycare. So. He wants his job to be the only contribution (and frankly to have this 1955 arrangement)? Time to bring in more money dude.

Now of course the easier, more equitable, healthier, and better-choice-as-a-father choice, is him actually participating in the family he created and working with his wife to help life move forward. But that's "impossible" because he's so "thorough", can't "multi-task", etc.

It's BS. And yes I sound annoyed. As another PP pointed out, DH is running quite the con, and OP sounds like she's genuinely struggling. I think that sucks.

[/quote]

I posted before that I now stay home but used to be in a similar situation. I actually also worked in finance and kept cutting down. At the end, I was doing more accounting and budgeting for flexibility, which is far different than more glamorous finance jobs in nyc.

In OP’s situation, I think her DH should try to get a higher paying job. 170 is pretty low. I made more than that fresh out of grad school 20 years ago. If he isn’t helping much around the house, he should at least earn more to get you more paid help.

In my house, I told Dh to go hard in his career and he did. He doesn’t worry about pick up or drop off or getting a kid to dance or soccer. I don’t get mad at him for never going grocery shopping or buying a birthday gift. [b]I stopped working when he earned 800k. He now earns $2-3m.[/b][/quote]

These are unrealistic standards and not applicable to most people and their careers nor is it statistically probable for every 2-parent working household to obtain a HHI income at these levels.

Im glad it worked out for you but that isnt a realistic outcome for most people. [/quote]

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