Reply to We keep arguing about work and home responsibilities because we're both overwhelmed.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He’s putting too much on you. Tell him you will have to go part time if he doesn’t do x , y, and z and he specific. [/quote]
He's not putting too much on her. His job is a more-than-40-hours a week job, and so he physically cannot be there for mornings and the immediate after school tasks.  [b]That's not dumping stuff on her. That's just the realities of a job that is paying 2/3 of their household costs.  
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If she finds doing the morning and after-aftercare routine by herself is too hard, she needs to outsource some of it. That's an easy solution.  [/quote]

But shes doing more than 2/3 of childcare and household responsibilities so hes still getting the easy side. [/quote]

If he's working 2 more hours a day AND comes home and jumps right in on childcare, then I'd say they are splitting pretty evenly.  OP didn't say he was one of those layabout dads who just sits around the house while she does everything.  She

She said he comes home later than her, and then they split the putting to bed work.

Assuming his job does in fact require those hours (which OP isn't disputing; in fact, she suggested he get a different easier job), then I'd argue HE is contributing more than OP, because they are both "working" the same number of hours per day (when you take into account job-hours and childcare/house-hours), only he is making almost double her salary.  His side of the story is probably that he wishes OP made more money.  $100k is starting salaries out of college these days. [/quote]

No it is not. None of the teachers or administration you interact with on a daily basis make 100k. Nurses dont even make 100k starting out. You have an inflated sense of middle-class careers and incomes- even in the DC area.

And no, she did not state that he immediately comes home and gets to work. He also takes X time to himself every morning to go workout.

He also only works 5-10 hours more per week than OP "Even after dropping down to a "chill" job, it's 45-50 hours/week, 170k salary... "He works out in the mornings and then is at work until 6....in the evenings, we have to divide and conquer with the kids (activities, homework help, toddler wrangling) [b]if he's not working.[/b] After bedtime, he helps clean up the kitchen and do some mental load stuff, like forms, activity signups, bills, order stuff on Amazon, etc.[b] Sometimes he has to work.[/b]"

Unless he has an hour+ commute, the timing here doesnt make sense. He isnt available in the mornings at 7/8 (thats a graciously late start to the day with kids btw and she says he isnt available in the mornings) and then is at work until 6pm. She is available for because he isnt. Thats 10 hours right there and then he sometimes has to work evenings. Likely he is leaving earlier than that and working out and then having a leisurely breakfast and then going into work at 830/9- Id be interested to learn his actual start time because working until 6 and then 45-50 hours doesnt add up.

Its not just the divide and conquer its the stress-levels and how much personal/free time the other person gets too. 
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