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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it might be that you are working to create the family you always imaginesd, rather than accepting the family you have. Perhaps. You are trying for 2 ordinary children rather than accepting that your 2 current children will be ordinary-enough.[/quote]
+1
Op has 2 kids but wishes they were 2 NT kids. [/quote]

Also, who wishes any sort of difficulty on their children? Yah, if I could take away my child’s developmental disability and the struggles it causes them in life and their relationships, I would. Your shaming is ridiculous. [/quote]
I'm not shaming you for having a SN child. I'm shaming for wanting an additional "normal" child, instead of caring for the SN ones you have. It doesnt sound like your DH was on the same page, or at least you conveniently failed to mention that until now. You want to replace your Sn child with another NT child to complete your family the way you pictured. Life doesnt always work out like that. [/quote]

That’s not it at all. I always wanted three kids. My husband was open to it until we had two. He is still open to it but would prefer not to have another.

[b]Unless you have a kid with special needs[/b], I don’t think you can relate to the unique concerns that parents in my position unfortunately have to face. Fortunately my son’s special needs are fairly mild in that he “only” has (pretty severe) adhd, but overall kids with his profile are more prone to other mental health issues and things that I absolutely fear down the road. Yes, in general I think that for a NT child whose sibling has a disability, it is nice for them to also have a NT sibling because it can be a very isolating experience. obviously there is no guarantee of that. You have no idea what it’s like to be a child in a house with a sibling who has a disability or neurological disorder. You seemingly don’t know what it’s like to parent a child with a disability and to have to think about very frightening prospects. I wouldn’t wish this particular consideration on anyone. And to accuse me of wanting a NT child to replace my ND is just disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself and should refrain judgement until you’ve walked a mile in a special needs family’s shoes.[/quote]
You are assuming a lot. It's because of this that I have empathy for both of your children. You actually said you want to bring another child in so that your SN child will have two siblings to look after them. That is awful. This is not your childrens responsibility! Let your daughter have a life outside of your home! She can have friends and a life of her own. And you say over and over that your DH doesnt want another. You are blaming your SN child for your desire to have another, who could have even further or profound disabilities. And you've already set that up to be your daughters responsibility. 
[/quote]

Yes. That’s also life in a family with a child with special needs. My best friend has a sibling with significant mental health needs. She has known forever that someday it will be her and her other siblings responsibility. That is the hand she was dealt. One of my other close friends has a severely autistic brother and after their parents are gone, it will be his responsibility to make sure his brother is in an appropriate living situation. That is a lonely aspect of his life and he himself went on to have a bigger family for that reason. An ex boyfriend was in a similar position. That is the hand that families of kids with special needs are dealt. I shouldnt have to explain that to judgmental people who have no experience with it. [/quote]

It’s a hand that the siblings and their partners can be unable/refuse to accept when the time comes. I’ve seen this multiple times in my large SN community. [/quote]

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