Reply to DD Semester Away: I hate you

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Instead of all these tit for tat responses why not talk to her?  Ask if she sent the text and try to figure out what is going on

[b]Not providing for her or kicking her out won't bring you a close relationship which I assume yoy wabt?[/b][/quote]

+1.  OP's DD sounds a lot like my DD.  My DD is a freshman in college, and I would not be surprised to receive a text like this.  (In her age group, it seems common for the teens to say that the parent is "controlling" if the mom/dad is not 100 percent lenient.  Even the most mild rules constitute "controlling" behavior by the parent.)

So a lot of parents get scared of their own kids, and just become 100 percent lenient, to maintain the relationship.  This is not necessarily in the best interest of the child to have full leniency, but it probably beats being estrangeYou d from your son/daughter someday.

IMHO, what would be controlling is to cut her off financially.  In other countries, kids are more independent at ages 18-22 because the taxpayers pay for university tuition.  In the US, the kids often remain dependent on their parents during ages 18-22 because that is who pays tuition/room/board.  So I think it actually delays maturity in the US.

Presumably, OP wants to maintain a relationship with her DD in the future.  Therefore, keep paying tuition/room/board (or whatever you're able to pay), and give DD a little time to mature.  Some college-aged students are very mature, both others are incredibly immature.  (My own DD is very independent, but not really mature.  I know it will come.)  Heck, when I was in college in the late 1990's, I gave my own parents the silent treatment for 1 month when they would not let me transfer to my dream college even though I was admitted (for financial reasons, they could not afford it and did not want me to take loans).  Eventually, I reached out to them and they welcomed me with open arms, and they did not make it into a big deal.

OP, I would give your DD some grace.  She is learning to become mature.  Be the adult, and forgive her.  She'll eventually come around, especially if you do not freak out about this text.  (I hope this was helpful.  Thanks for reading.)
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