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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She has to learn that there are different and equally important ways of being intelligent. And you can start pointing out and praising those other ways to her. Emotional intelligence is one of them. And she has to understand that some kids are more academic while other kids have different ways of excelling. Praise her for other ways of being excellent, and especially praise her for effort, not just because she’s lucky and schoolwork comes easy to her. [/quote]

why gaslight her though? I guess I don’t have any issues with talking about different kinds of important characteristics. but as conventionally defined she does in fact sound more intelligent than her classmates. it seems psychologically damaging to want to put her in her place and not encourage her to achieve. [/quote]

Praising a child for effort is not gaslighting. OP's child knows she's smart, but heaping praise on her for this innate attribute over which she has no control is pointless anyway. It's not as if the child will get smarter just by being told, "you're so smart" again and again. That can only lead to conceit, possibly to a lack of resilience. If the child's self-esteem is determined by being the smartest kid in the room, she will fall apart when she isn't, and she won't have other coping skills to draw from. She also won't have the EQ and soft skills that are so valuable today. I can tell you stories of very high IQ people that are not living up to their potential because of lack of social skills and resilience, not because they're not aware that they're smart.[/quote]

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