Reply to I Miss Being In Love

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a divorced dad currently in therapy. I have learned so much about what women really want and I will be honest I don’t think o will ever be in a relationship again. Women think that what they want from us is simple, but the reality is that it’s not so simple. Keeping a woman happy is hard, really hard. I tip my hat off to men who are doing it.[/quote]

The corollary to this is so many women come to believe their man/relationship is the source of their unhappiness. Which is rarely the case. [/quote]

A burping, farting, unhealthy man who takes no pleasure in pleasing his wife in bed or in any activities, who he vowed to cherish? Come on, of course it’s a huge and valid source of unhappiness.[/quote]

So, I see you are one of those women making this mistake.

You'll see.

He's not the source of your unhappiness. That comes from within. I realize it's a lot easier to blame others that take personal responsibility for your own mental health. But, no, he doesn't owe you that "in love" feeling from the honeymoon phase of your relationship. OP is bored, etc. Classic midlife crisis. At least she knows the grass isn't greener, but a lot of women get to this phase (and it IS a phase), get "bored," look around, decide their husband is the source, and make radical changes in their lives (i.e. divorce). And then are shocked to find out they're not happier, long term. I mean, a few are, certainly. But they're usually better about taking responsibility for their own happiness rather than depending on someone else to bring them happiness (be it a husband, children, whatever).
[/quote]
OP here — Do you think it’s possible for a spouse to make a person unhappy or is your take that unhappiness always from within regardless of what the spouse is like?

By the way, I actually believe the grass would be greener elsewhere. DH sets a very low bar that wouldn’t be hard to exceed. I have my own money and nest egg from years of working and careful decisions, so I wouldn’t end up impoverished after divorce. The impact on my children is what’s keeping me here. [/quote]

I think it's possible that a disconnected marriage can contribute to your unhappiness, but I also think it's foolish to place the entire blame on that person because if you think if you just get away from that person, all will be well. YOU have contributed to the dynamic in some ways, too. Reading your other posts, you seem to have romanticized what it would be like to be on your own -- which is a normal fantasy. But the reality is a lot messier.

As another pp said, yeah, you can probably find someone new to bang and travel with. And that probably will be an improvement in your life in some ways. However, your old life doesn't go completely away, and the issues with the kids, etc. will manifest itself for years in psychological misery in ways you can't possibly anticipate.

As for all that money you have saved, just remember he'll get half in a divorce. [/quote]

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