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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]WTF. We were having sex!

Jeez people.

Maybe not the world’s most exciting sex (for me either pal…) but still having plenty of sex.

The issue is he wants to be my highest priority and he’s been a little bitter ever since we had kids.  So, lately the issues have gotten worse. I thought that therapy was really helping, but two things happened about 6 months ago. One, he started seeing a new service provider, let’s just say Larla is a personal trainer for convenience. And then there was a family health issue that really increased household stress. I felt like we were still sort of hanging on, maybe not moving forward, but staying steady anyway. Then i took off for summer travel with the kids and things have been crazy since then. Like i feel like im in the twilight zone sometimes with how hot and cold he’s been. Well, i NOW know from the phone bills that the long daily calls with larla started in August. Which really seems to have hurt our efforts at therapy. He recently fired the therapist because he didn’t like what she had to say and felt she was ‘on my side’. And now he is the center of Larla’s world which I’m sure is exactly what he wants and needs. So here we are.

I know my role in this. I get it. But i just didn’t think it would ever happen this way. [/quote]

You did absolutely nothing wrong. This is so stereotypical. Wife is still having sex but not doting and kissing his *ss.  Kids stuff and aging parents, or somebody gets ill and she gets preoccupied.  [b]Pouty baby (often came from broken home, divorce, dysfunction) gets upset that the world isn't revolving 100% around him and 'why could the wife' not have more energy towards him?[/b] He can't see this is a NORMAL life stage in a long marriage and not a referendum on the entire thing or what it will be a few years from now, etc.

[b]These type of people (men and women included) need boatloads of external validation to feel good about themselves and can be very selfish with blinders on.  They turn away from the marriage/spouse and get critical instead of turning in when it is most needed.[/b][/quote]

Oh get out of town. I'm not this husband but have been undermined the same way as him. Before I met my girlfriend I felt DEAD inside for YEARS. I realized I had been in my career for a quarter-century and had been working with one hand tied behind my back the last 15 being married to her. My wife couldn't see what everyone around me did because she was so worked up about the kids and raising them right after our ONE move when I took my new position. She has been using them as a crutch, staying at home to "help them through the transition" of our move across the country even though they're 13 and 9 rather than like 4 and 2.

Anyway I asked for a divorce and we agreed we were going to be amicable and go through a mediator. There was no reason to make people take sides or to drag each other's names through the mud. People see me as a great guy and great father, which I am. Then she went through my pictures on the cloud and felt my girlfriend and I looked a little to comfy with each other on our conference overseas. But what she didn't understand is that my girlfriend went to the conference because of her COMPETENCE; she graduated [i]summa cum laude[/i] from a Top-15 University during COVID and has great prospects whether she goes for a M.D., Ph.D or J.D.  She also didn't understand that my girlfriend and I DID NOT consummate our relationship until AFTER I had left my wife. We had NOT had sex when overseas, we just learned that we enjoyed each other's company, that she made me feel alive for the first time in over a DECADE, and that she was on a level in brains and beauty that was commensurate with my status.

Now not-soon-enough-ex-DW is threatening to depose my girlfriend because she thinks she can get a ruling of fault. But she knows that it's HER fault that she was lazy and didn't get back to work. Yet she's trying to bleed me dry when she caused all the problems. She didn't keep improving herself since our marriage. She didn't work fulltime once we moved here and used raising the kids as an excuse. She kept getting on my case to do the taxes or to take out the trash when I had just gotten back from a really intensive and demanding business trip. She just didn't get what it means to be successful. I should be able to enjoy the fruits of my success.

I'm sorry OP was hurt discovering the affair. But it really shows that OP and other PP's really are living in a cloud, a fantasy world where they don't think they need to keep up their part of the bargain, that they don't need to keep bringing value to the marriage. I wasn't quite ready to notify my ex about my GF before she brought it up, as I knew she was going to use it to try to pressure me. But now it's good that it's out in the open between us, though so help me God she has no right to give me the business or talk about it if I bring my GF to my kid's basketball game or have her watch the kids on MY days with them. She needs to do some hard repair work on herself rather than worry about everyone else and how they supposedly hurt her. Women need to stop acting like victims when they cause marriages to fail with their laziness.[/quote]

You sound like the GF.  :D [/quote]

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