Reply to Just need to vent - discovery of affair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So many people are jumping on OP because she seemed surprise, but also mentioned that she and her DH were rocky and distant.

A lot of assumptions are being made that the shaky marriage CAUSED the affair. It could be The other way  around - that the affair CAUSED the strain in the marriage.

Sometimes, the relationship is Initially great. DH starts an affair, there is disinterest and tension at home, and the marriage becomes rocky and distant. Thus, in hindsight, one isn’t surprised because they think they should have figured it out when the relationship became distant that DH was (obviously) having an affair.
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I’m sure there are some sociopaths out there who start an affair while their marriage is going great, but it just seems like an incredibly harmful and risky and stupid thing to do to your life.

I almost had an affair- my marriage was going incredibly poorly.  Before my marriage went south, having a romantic relationship with another person couldn’t have been farther from my mind.[/quote]

I have a friend who was very happy in his marriage and having satisfying sex with his wife, and did have an affair...in which he wasn't even getting laid. He was fooling around and having fun but no PIV. He'd just hang out with this other woman, fix things around her house, chat, fool around, have a beer or two, and go home. Other woman ended it because she met someone and his wife never found out. Not sure why he did it, but he's not a sociopath or anything close. Hasn't done it again, as far as I know. [/quote]

I know you don’t think he’s a sociopath but making a girlfriend like this while you are perfectly happy with your wife seems super pathological to me.  Maybe he was rationalizing to himself that as long as he didn’t do PIV with this woman it wasn’t actually cheating?[/quote]

The word sociopath is so overused online. Much like narcissist. Not every jerk or selfish person is a sociopath. 
The dude was probably just lonely and wanted a lfriend who he didn't have to talk to about childcare and what's for dinner and the bills. As someone else mentioned, men often don't have many friends. [/quote]

What an excuse!  He could have a platonic male friend!

People act like heterosexual men are incapable of having friendships.  My husband has many friends.  It is because he is largely a healthy person.  Men don’t need women for they need.[/quote]

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