Reply to If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, would you help with son's wedding too?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, and your son is marrying someone whose family cannot afford a wedding, would you help them with their wedding financially? Or just say no, let them either have no wedding or put it on their credit card?  [/quote]

Are you a time traveler from the past? Did you pay for your son to go to college but not your daughter?

You should contribute equal amounts to all of your children for their weddings and/or towards the honeymoon, down payment etc, regardless of what the other parents choose to contribute or can afford.  [/quote]

LOL, OP here, and I am actually the daughter in law.  The "son" and I have been married for years now, we didn't have a wedding because his parents wouldn't pay for anything and at the time we were both poor.  Prior to my marriage, they paid everything for their daughter to have a big nice wedding, Don't know why but this has been on my mind recently, I am curious what others think.  [/quote]

My ILs also did this. Some parents take a[b] traditional view that they are only responsible for the rehearsal dinner for their sons and the wedding of their daughters.[/b] If their son’s fiancee’s parents can’t afford to pay, they are unhappy to be asked to contribute and to have their son marry into a poor or dysfunctional family that did not put aside funds for this expected expense. [/quote]

But you can look at cost of wedding + cash gifts=total.  Don't use the word poor or dysfunctional - consider term less available resources.  It's 2 people and there can be variations in resources.  Most important is that no one - couple or parents - goes into debt or has to stretch.

What happens if one M or F had a mini pandemic wedding for 15 and now another is planning a  100?  Then what if one couple tops out at 100 and another wants 150 to 200+ guests?  [/quote]

Not having money for a child’s wedding does not equate to dysfunctional and having money for a child’s wedding does not equate to functional. Wealth is not a sign of virtue or good mental health or morality. Just look at Ray Dalio, Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, Bill Gates, and Elon Musk if you don’t believe me.

What a classist and ignorant perspective. Why should the parents of three girls need to save $150-300K for weddings when their counterparts with three boys are expected to save $45K for three weddings. Is the bride’s family gaining something materially different from the marriage than the groom’s family? The fact that some people hold up this outdated practice as normal is bizarre and the fact that their defense of it is morality or that it’s too hard to be a free thinking person is also bizarre to me. [/quote]

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