Reply to Knowledge of my dead parent's long-term affair is incredibly painful

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Reply to "Knowledge of my dead parent's long-term affair is incredibly painful"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]pp back to say...of course your parent loved you. This wouldn't change. Grieve, but stay focused. [/quote]

Wrong. True love does not involve doing things that hurt the person you love.[/quote]

FFS you're over the top. Besides, you're really $hitty to tell the OP her parent didn't love her when s/he can't tell her.

My marital actions have no bearing on my love for my kids. Neither do my husband's. My parents got divorced, does that mean they don't love me?

Besides, you and OP have a thought that causes your feeling. [b]If my parent cheated I wouldn't blink an eye.[/b] So, it's not the action, it's the thought that causes your suffering. Fix your toxic thoughts. [/quote]

I believe you when you say the bolded. However from this post and what I believe are your others you betray a distanced familial relationship that I would not want to experience. I certainly believe you wouldn’t care if your parents cheated or your spouse. That is indeed clear. [/quote]

You can believe what you want. I'm not distanced, but I try very hard not to hold people up to perfectionist standards, so I would venture I'm much closer to my family and inlaws then the majority here. I guess it wasn't fair to say I wouldn't blink, but it definitely wouldn't rattle me in the same way it's rattled OP. Based on this board, you would call my mom and MIL monsters for things they've done. I'm certainly hurt sometimes, but I think my attitude toward them goes a long way. That's what this board doesn't do well -- nuance or gray spaces.

People piling on for OP to hate her father makes me sad, and intimating that her mother is blameless (not for the cheating, for her own actions in the marriage, since she did say although she knew) is not helpful or healthy for OP, IMO. My parents divorced and neither one has solely blamed the other, and both still try 40+ years later to position the other in a good light.

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