Reply to How to avoid traveling to in laws every thanksgiving and Xmas

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How to avoid traveling to in laws every thanksgiving and Xmas "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, it sounds like you see the merits to traveling but find it stressful and expensive with the kids. First question: does your family actually have the money? Is spending the money on the flights taking away from something else you want to do but can’t because you don’t have the money? If not, and it just “seems expensive,” I recommend disregarding that factor. I say this as someone who hates to spend money, period, because I grew up with parents who never had enough. Sometimes things just cost a lot of money, but if you have the money to spend, it’s not really an issue. 
Second, it sounds like a big source of the stress is having to do everything related to the kids. This is one where you may need to just drop the ball. Let your kids pack their suitcases, and if they forget something, you can buy it there or they can go without. DO NOT buy gifts for your husband’s family, obviously. Don’t stress about the logistics; let your husband handle them, e.g., if he asks when you want to leave for the airport, put it back on him: “Hmmm, I’m not sure, what do you think?” Don’t unpack. Your kids can live out of their suitcase during the visit. (Oh, and obviously if you are booking flights, rental car, any of that, your husband needs to handle it. If he never gets around to booking the flights, oops, guess you don’t go!)
Related, treat the trip to your in-laws as a vacation for yourself. You’re going to disappear to take a nap every afternoon. You’re going to go for a walk to stretch your legs. You’re going to run to the store to pick something up and not come back for a few hours. Find a cute coffee shop and go hang out for a few hours; bring back a treat for the family to share. If your husband complains about it, let him know: I told you that travel is stressful and I didn’t want to do it, these are my ways of coping with my stress. But don’t have a big conversation about it beforehand; just act like a man and do whatever you want and assume someone else will deal with the kids. 
To address a few of your specific points: 
-	Get comfortable. Stop feeling like you need to be “on” or like you need to dress up. Figure out something you can wear and be comfortable but still feel put together. Maybe that means buying yourself some upscale loungewear so you still feel put together, and maybe buying it “for the trip” will make you more excited about going. 
-	Cook meals at your in-laws if you don’t like what they cook, duh. I started buying frozen vegetables when we visit my MIL because she doesn’t really do veggies. If your in-laws insist no one else can cook the main meal, go get the ingredients and make a nice big fresh salad to contribute and have that constitute 90% of your own dinner. 
-	My goodness, why do you need 1:1 time with your DH while he’s visiting his family, it’s one week twice a year. But if you MUST have alone time with him, have you said that? Would your in-laws watch the kids while you go out for a date night? 
-	Don’t hang out with your in-laws? Just because you’re visiting their house doesn’t mean you have to be conversing with them the entire time, sheesh. 
-	LOOSEN UP ON SCREEN TIME AND SWEETS, what on earth. You’re making this so hard on yourself for no reason. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics