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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Disagree with those saying if he can do it at work he can do it at home. For ADHD people, executive function is a depleteable resource. It’s very possible he’s barely holding on at work and has less left to give at home. It doesn’t justify becoming a lump on the couch, but it does explain just never getting a grip on the trash pickup or soccer game schedules. [/quote]

And remember that work provides external structure, extrinsic rewards and constant validation- plus visible, public consequences. An intense job can conquer even the worst ADHD because it supplies constant dopamine and adrenaline. That’s also why ADHD can go undetected at school and in someone’s early 20s and why all of us women are startled to find ourselves with these men. The structure and rewards of school and early careers jobs make many ADHD people more successful than those who don’t have it! My DH ruled his 100-hour/week job in his early 20s because it perfectly suited someone who could hyperfocus and let everything else fall away.

There is no salary, promotion, or consequences for not taking out the trash or bungling soccer dropoff, and the boss is not going to stand up at the all hands and congratulate you for packing your kids’ lunches for the 90th time this year. [/quote]

At work, if you hyperfocus through the jr years and are mid level or sr, you suddenly have secretaries and junior staff to dump on. So any chaos you create they can all work out, or the team can.
If you’re senior enough you can bully others too.  I catch my asd/adhd spouse gaslighting his coworkers like he does to us at home: no, I never said that. no I never meant that. I would never XYZ.

At any rate, living with someone like that 24/7 is very difficult and crazy making.[/quote]

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