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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How disgusting Mila and Ashton wrote letters. Gross fake wile celebs. [/quote]

That’s a tough one for me.
If they are friends, which they have been for a very long time, they likely do not believe that their friend is capable of such atrocities. 
A character letter doesn’t speak to the veracity of the charge. It just says we know him to be a swell guy, and we love and trust him, etc. 
If you were accused of doing these things and you swore up and down to your friends and to the world that you didn’t do it —wouldn’t you hope that one or two of those friends would say “yes of course I will write a character reference for you”

They may truly believe him to be innocent.
And in that case, it isn’t disgusting for them to write a letter on his behalf that says something to the effect of “these accusations are not aligned with the person that I’ve known him to be over the past 30 years”[/quote]

I can't view it this way because I've experienced, as a rape survivor, being told by people "that's just not who he is," and it's just gaslighting. Good for you he never raped you, but you don't actually know he is, and acting like your experience with him can be placed next to my experience and weighed equally is BS.

Statements like this also tend to emphasize to survivors that they were chosen as victims specifically because they lacked the power and social capital of others. Masterson would never have attacked Kunis because she, like him, was famous and wealthy and there was no power differential to exploit. He only raped people he could dominate. This is a horrible feeling as a survivor, to realize you were chosen for your relative weakness, that your attacker knew people would be less likely to care about what happens to you or believe what you have to say.

And usually it works, and it dies so specifically because people in power will circle up and protect one of their own. Which is what Mila and Ashton were doing. Glad to see it didnt work this time.[/quote]

Thanks for sharing your perspective. It was a helpful counterpoint to the PP.

Not a rape situation, but I was asked by a friend years ago to speak on her behalf against her husband in a divorce/child custody case. She said he had been abusive to her, and I saw bruises.  I told her I could speak to her character and honesty, but I could not say that I [b]knew [/b]he abused her because I had not witnessed it.  Our friendship was never the same after that, and I often wondered if I should have handled it differently.[/quote]

You handled it horribly, and your friend should ghost you. [/quote]

This was about testifying in court—she had to tell the truth.  She had not witnessed her friend being abused.  I can understand the friendship suffering, but I don’t think she did anything wrong.  You can’t just walk into a court and say things because your friend wants you to.  “Your friend should ghost you,” is such a childish thing to say.  I’m so sick of grown women acting like 13 year olds.[/quote]

DP. The PP wasn't clear about exactly what her friend asked her to do, but even if it was about testifying in the custody case, she would never be asked to testify to whether she "knew" the friend was abused because it would be impossible to establish that it's something she could know for precisely there reasons she mentions (she didn't actually witness the abuse). You have to lay groundwork for testimony like that and they wouldn't be able to.

But she could have testified to the bruises and to her interactions with her friend (which would go beyond just her character, and could be influential in a custody trial). It sounds like for some reason the PP was uncomfortable doing this, maybe because she thought she'd be asked to say abuse occurred (again, that's not how trial testimony works). Or maybe she just didn't want to get involved because it's messy.

But phrasing it as "I can't say I know he abused you" was a cruel thing to say to someone in that situation because it makes it sound like you don't believe her. I wouldn't suggest ghosting but I totally get what a gut punch it would be to hear that from a friend you were reaching out to for support. It's important for people to understand that for survivors of abuse (sexual or otherwise) being believed is a really fundamental need and it can be really scary to disclose what happened to others. There's a psychological component to abuse and you have a primal need for people to validate your experience because the tendency to dissociate or move into denial states is very strong (part of the flight or flight response).

I think the PP was well meaning but even she wonders if she handled it correctly. I think she should have handled it better.[/quote]

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