Reply to Husband doesn't help with hardly anything

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, this is the PP who says you should talk less, act more. You dismiss what I say, saying you won’t live in a sty. You also say you don’t want a divorce. Is this how you are with your spouse, you just dismiss everything he says and just stick to your complaints? If so, then I understand why he says you are making things miserable and why he avoids you. Why are you stuck in this role and unwilling to change? How does it benefit you—It *must* benefit you because you are choosing it.
I seriously think you need therapy and possibly medication for depression. If nothing else therapy would help you find new strategies and ways of talking to your husband.
If your response to that is that therapy won’t work and that you are too busy for therapy because your spouse is so lazy and awful, then I suggest you look up the term “help rejecting complainer” and consider the possibility that The situation you were in with your husband is actually extremely comfortable for you despite the fact that you say you hate it.
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there’s some kernel of truth here but it’s also tremendously victim-blaming. on a daily basis OP didn’t have a choice when her DH started pulling stunts like making their small child wake him up to take her to school. she’s only “comfortable” with it  inadmuch as she has to supress active anger and rage to get through the unfairness of it all. because with men like this, it’s NOT the case that OP could have just “made a choice” for him to do more. No, she likely went through all sorts of phases where she tried to get him to, from discussing to anger to pleading. What happened is NOT that she made some kind of choice because it benefited her, but that he taught her by his actions that there is nothing she can do about it. She got conditioned to it. It’s low-key abusive TBH.

yes now she does have a choice whether to divorce or not. this is a huge change with serious costs & benefits to weigh, like finances and time with her child. she’s not being a “help-rejecting complainer” to have difficulty making this decision. [/quote]

Op here. Thanks for saying this better than I can. I feel like I've tried so many different tactics - not caring, calling him out on it, passive aggressiveness, just doing it all quietly, being the "cool" wife... I could go on. They all yield the same results.

And I've never said he does nothing. But he does the things he's interested in only - yard and money management. The couple other things I force him to do only out of sheer necessity because I work FT, are the things he resists or uses as an example of how he's really pulling his weight.

AND at least one of those things (dropping DD off at the bus stop) is just common sense because he WFH most of the time and I do not. Though I'm sure in his mind, there's a situation where he should sleep til 8:29am and roll out of bed into his first call, while I handle the entire morning and take her in and then commute 30 minutes to my office while somehow still leaving in time to pick her up in the afternoon (aka working PT which he doesn't want me to do because he likes FT money). The only way I've been able to convince him he should be the one to drop her off, is because it's actually impossible for me to drop off and pick up most days and work full time. I still do the vast majority of the morning routine, but DD has to wake up earlier than she needs to if she wants assistance with anything (or hell, just spend time with a parent in the morning) because I have to leave so early and he won't get up until like 5 minutes before they need to leave.[/quote]

He just sounds entitled, honestly.[/quote]

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