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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - do you have access/login and checkbook to the account where your spouse keeps the $8/k savings? If not, sorry to break it but it will be extremely easy for him to clear the account in the event of divorce and you would have to spend hundreds of thousands to recover it or get a higher share in other assets to compensate you. That all sounds super fishy to me with his plans to scale back his work, controlling you, and not being really involved in family and childcare. [/quote]

Fishy how?  No I don't have access to the personal account.  I only have access to the shared family account. [/quote]

In marriage all accounts are joint property. Regardless on whose name it is. I just explained to your above that you basically don't have access to a major account with ALL family liquid savings. You are either naive or a total fool to enable it, and believe that he doesn't have any back thoughts about your marriage future. Do you have 100K to spend on lawyers and forensic accountants to see how much was in that account and get your 50% ? That would take 2-3 years of litigation. And this is why he keeps it separate. There could be individual accounts in marriage for small expenses like hobbies, presents etc but major savings should be kept on a joint account, particular when one spouse is SAH.

I would NEVER be able to sleep well at night having kids, no job and such financial setup in marriage[/quote]

I don't really know how divorce affects financial splits, so I'm curious to know.  I don't expect that we will divorce, but I'm not naiive enough to think it could never happen to us.

[b]I don't believe my spouse is intentionally hiding anything from me.  If I ask, I'm told exactly how much is in the account, and if I were to ask for a login and pw to the account, I'm sure I would be given it, I just haven't done so.  It could be a control thing, but not in a malicious way, more in a way of my spouse just likes to remain in control of their financial future, and a dislike for changing the way they've done things for all their lives[/b].[/quote]

This is insanity to me. 
It's one thing if you tell him that you won't access the account to remove money, but it's a whole nother to NOT be able to access it at all of you wanted to.

You do realize that of he wanted to leave you, he could... you have no idea how much is in the account,  you have no idea how to access the account, your name is not on the account, and now you've just told us that he's had that account long before he married you, so you would be wholeheartedly screwed in that situation.

As the pp said, you would need a forensic accountant to find anything out and that would cost YOU at least $100k if he divorces you.

Do you have ANY clue how much is in it -- like any idea or estimate?
Do you know if there's around $8,000 or $80,000 or $800,000 or 8,000,000??
Have you ever seen a statement?  
And you've NEVER asked because... why, again?

You say "you're sure" he would give you the account & password (uh, you don't even know the account number!?  Do you know what bank is in at least?) if you asked, but [i]ARE[/i] you really sure he would? and why again, haven't you asked?

This sounds like complete insanity and just about as perfect a way to get royally s€rewed in a divorce or be royally s€rewing someone else without the little woman ever finding out.

[/quote]

I know exactly how much is in the account.  If you're telling me I'm putting myself in a vulnerable position, I am listening and willing to learn, if you'd take a pause from berating me and offer some advice.  I can ask to have my name put on the account as well, if that makes a difference.  I guess I assumed that what's his is ours when we are married, but I really have not done the research on how all that would work out in the event of a divorce.  [/quote]

Yes OP, this is exactly what you should ask him to do. I'm not sure how it even didn't cross your mind! My husband and I went to banks together and had me added to all accounts (his pre-marital account remained separate only his name on it but I still was receiving monthly statements).

Go to bank tomorrow [/quote]

The personal account is a pre-marital account.  I guess I'll see what the response is.  Maybe we can work this all out as we figure out our financial plan for next year.[/quote]

He should have kept funds that were there prior to marriage and opened a new joint account for all post marital savings first week you got married. What he does now is depositing all marital savings into account that’s individual so he could commingle with premarital funds and later argue it’s all separate.

OP you know you are screwed and don’t want to argue with him, this you keep delaying this big convo till next year.

[/quote]

I just have to tread lightly as there's some stubbornness around this issue and I think it is more about control about his own future and fearing change.  We have argued about the personal account early on in our marriage.  He has always wanted separate accounts. Eventually we compromised and I opened up a joint account where he would put some money into it each month. When I stopped working, I closed my business account, so now we only have the joint family account, and then his pre-marital personal account that contains all our savings.   I still have some old pre-marital CDs that don't amount to much, but they are something.  And I poured most of my pre-marital savings into the deposit on our first home, and also our wedding. [/quote]

OP - I really can't tell if you're for real. As you're writing this out, assuming you are for real, you have to see and know how precarious your position is here, right? [/quote]

Yes, it's always been on the back of my mind that I'm in a precarious position.  However, I think trust just over-rode that concern.  Also I just didn't have all the facts of how it would all work in the event of the divorce, and I don't really want to hire an attorney to do so. There is still some ambiguity in my mind as to whether we would split the savings in that personal account, because logically speaking, it seems obvious that those are marital assets.  He made that money while we were married, and while I may not be working now, I was working before, and I financially supported us in the beginning. Of course, all those accounts are closed by now, so I'm realizing now that I have no actual paper trail that it happened that way.

Finances has historically been a tricky topic for us, although it has gotten a bit better and I think we can work this out now.  And so yes, some of it was avoidance, because it inevitably led to a fight.  But our finances have changed drastically in the last 4 years.  Previous to that, we still had a big mortgage, and my spouse had over $150k left in school loans.[/quote]

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