Reply to Christmas—Is this selfish of me?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Christmas—Is this selfish of me?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not surprising the consensus is assuming the In-laws don't want to see the DIL outside of their child and/or give them the opportunity to develop their relationship with her without their child being the go-between. [/quote]

There are 364 days that aren’t December 25th in which they can prove to her they want to develop an independent relationship with her. Just wanting Christmas looks like they just want to be served.[/quote]

Don’t be so obtuse. Christmas is a major family holiday. Having children involved makes it even more fun. God forbid grandparents want to spend the holiday with their son’s family. I mean the sheer audacity of them because DIL wants to sulk around the house all day because husband has to work. You women here are the literally the worst. You are all about excommunicating the in-laws when you put a ring on it and making sure they know they are no longer welcome.  [/quote]

She doesn’t want to “sulk around” she wants to spend the holiday with her family— just like you think she should right?

If the in-laws want to be welcome by just the daughter-in-law they need to have a relationship with her where she wants them around. You don’t get to just show up on Christmas for fun with the cute children, you have to put in the work the other 365 days. It sounds like they don’t. Maybe they’ll do better next year.[/quote]

OP is absolutely planning to spend the day sulking - "I really don’t want to have to deal with hosting them on top of my own disappointment and tending to the disappointment of my small children. I’d rather be alone if he has to leave."

You are projecting your on feelings about IL onto OPs post. [b]You have ZERO idea how they are on a daily basis to her much less the other [b]364 [/b]days a year[/b]. [/quote]

Sure I do. OP doesn’t want them around without her husband. That means the way they are is: not having an independent relationship with their DIL such that she wants to host them independently.

It’s not a crime, but you only get out what you put in. If you want the kind of relationship when your child in law wants to host you without your own child, you have to put in the work in the years before the situation occurs. In laws who do that don’t have this problem.[/quote]

No.  Just no.

My MiL had emergency surgery and my FIL still wanted to go in his golf trip, my SIL who lives three minutes away and got free childcare from them for years refused to help so I flew back to the states (my spouse and I lived overseas at the time and he had an emergency at work & it was an actual emergency so couldn’t fly).

I took care of her for a week.  By myself.  Hand bathing her, cleaning, cooking, medicine, etc.  you name it I did it even when the pain meds wore off and I was cursed at, still did it.  I had surgeries as a child so I knew the importance of having someone who loved you there.

Anyway my husband flew out for basically 24 hours and helped too.

This is not the only thing I have done for my in laws and I’m not keeping score, but to show you I put in a lot! It’s family that’s what you do, but I still don’t have a great relationship with my in-laws bc they aren’t who they wanted my husband to marry.

It hasn’t stopped her from commenting on my looks, my parenting, and trying to set up my husband with her friends eligible daughters.  Yeah.  I still love her, but I have better boundaries now.  [/quote]

DP. There is so much wrong with this. I can't imagine what conditioning you had that makes you think this is something you not only should do but be proud of.  People treat you the way you allow them to. Your DH problem is bigger than your IL problem. Best wishes.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics