Reply to Rules about dating (14 years old)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][/quote]I honestly don't disagree with you that this isn't advisable for 14 year olds. But what I don't get is how, if you allow them to go to the movies or hang out, you can control what they are saying to each other or expecting or hoping for from each other. I don't think you can.

My son (14) happened to share that a girl who he has been going to movies and out to eat with, declared her love for him. I was super surprised, as was he. However, I never would have known this if he had not told me.

My strategy isn't about controlling what they do on those outings. It's about setting expectations and then setting boundaries on what I will and won't allow.

For all I know, they might be kissing and making out with some of the kids they're hanging out with. Fine. Whatever.

What I make clear I'm not interested in encouraging is the kind of exclusive, title anointment, where I encourage one of those friends to be elevated to boyfriend/girlfriend status, who my kid now prioritizes and elevates, which somehow trickles down to us.

So my strategy isn't controlling what they do on those outings, because as you point out, I can't. But it is in setting expectations, having frank discussions about what dating is and what is and isn't appropriate at this age, and then not encouraging that by elevating any one friend with a boyfriend or girlfriend title as some extended member of the family[quote]

I think we are basically in agreement, if by "allow" you mean what you will allow when in your home and in the context of family dealings (e.g., not referring to the person as a girlfriend or boyfriend or changing family or personal plans to accommodate that person in a way that you would not for another friends)[/quote]

Correct! That's exactly what I mean by "allow."[/quote]

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