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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For those that read this thread, I’m the OP. My father passed quickly and peacefully on Tuesday after a short bout of pneumonia. I was able to speak with him via phone just before he passed.  He left my mother with the gift of financial solvency since Medicaid was not needed, as well as the gift of a kind social worker who recognized my mother’s disabilities and set her up with some wonderful services Medicare provides. I still cannot get on a plane - my brother is there. My mother is saddened but mainly feels relieved as her needs had been ignored for a long time. I don’t know if my sister and mother will decide to move East but they sure want to downsize, which will free up cash. My brother asked me to help him by making lists of tasks around the house he should handle so my sister doesn’t have to do it.  I plan to go out when I’m allowed, and can handle the obituary, etc, in the East coast papers - they know no one in AZ so no need to place an obit there.  I will also organize an online celebration of life since family is scattered.

Turns out I have a severe forward rotation of my hip, to the point where my legs were uneven lengths, which a PT corrected. The pain yesterday was pretty bad as a result, but it’s starting to abate. With some more PT, my hip joint should stay in place. I’m hoping that I can go out as soon as October, which is when they will really need help with the move, etc.[/quote]

I'm sorry for your father passing but you need to stay out of this.  It's shocking the amount of complaining you are doing but you refuse to get on a place and help.  Do not bully them into moving.   Your  mother just lost her husband and now you want to take away her home too.[/quote]

I cannot get on a plane. Need 6 weeks of PT before I can think about it or I risk permanent damage.  After than, I plan to. I'm not going to take their home - the state will. Unfortunately social services showed up at the door - one of the nurses at the hospital called them in after my father got there due to his unkempt state. They feel he was neglected. I don't think it was deliberate; I do think that stubbornness puts people in very bad positions. [/quote]

Pt isn’t going to fix it if it’s that severe.  You need to get on a plane and help with the funeral arrangements and find them an affordable place to live if you are insisting on taking away their housing.  And if they move out of state you need to establish residency for you mom which is a lot of work. [/quote] I have no control over their housing. :roll:  That's up to my sister and my mother. I simply offered a lot of free places to live to rectify their situation and hoped my sister would see the light.

As for your PT comment, what is your experience in the medical field please? I'd love for you to shed light on my condition.[/quote]

Where are you finding free places to live for your mom and sister?  No place will be free.  They will have to pay rent which will be equal or more than maintaining the house.

So, you feel you need to dictate everything and cannot even help with the funeral or attend.[/quote]

The house they live in will sell for around $750K. It’s paid off. It’s in great condition. They cannot afford to stay there as the taxes/fees/etc are not affordable anymore. My mother wants to downsize and has for a while (my father stopped her). So my husband and I pay to get them into the rental home in their community and pay until their home sells. When their home sells, we get reimbursed for the past rent (we might not charge them that in the end) and they get to keep the (probably) 680K to 700K after selling expenses, etc. to live on. Investment planner invests it conservatively (there are now 5% CDs for instance) My mother and sister get a nice place to live, nest egg is replenished, my mother gets the help in she needs in the form of an aide and my sister gets some freedom. Sure they have some credit card debt, but with the new nest egg, they can live much better than they are now, which is hand to mouth, overdrafting their checking account, and running up credit card bills. We had offered them our beach place back east to live in because it’s free for them. My husband and I would be happy to pay the utilities, etc. When my aunt passed (we were the mortgager on that house and she never paid us a dime for 20 years), legally, we got the house back. My aunt had let it run down so we offered to fix it up so they could downsize into that. It’s in their community. They refused (well my father would have but my sister and mother said no). So we offered them two free places, one in their community, and one back home near family and both were refused.

There is no funeral. My father and mother made no plans for their demise, sadly. My mother made the decision to cremate my father, which caused its own sh*tstorm in the extended family but it’s my mother’s choice. I’m organizing a celebration of life online since our family is scattered to the four winds across the country. My mother would like the urn interred back east eventually - she did not want to go back east for a funeral either. My husband and I, or course, will be glad to cover those expenses, including buying two plots in the cemetery that my mother has chosen in New England.[/quote]

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