Reply to SIL and dad’s funeral

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, thanks for the responses.  I do wonder if I’m overreacting or misdirecting feelings, so it’s helpful to read that and think more about my reaction. That said, I also feel like you just show up when someone dies — I told all of my friends not to go through hassle to come to funeral (it was on a weekday, all have kids including toddlers, etc) and they all just came. Some came from far afield. Others who were far and couldn’t come sent a card or a food gift card or flowers. Even a card just meant so much.  She didn’t do any of that, which really made me second guess how much I want to bother investing.[/quote]

I understand why your feelings are hurt. But honestly, some people are raised to buck up and step up in these situations and others are not. And sometimes it just depends on the person. I know families where one sibling will always show up and the other just doesn’t handle uncomfortable situations so they will not.

Your SIL may think she had done enough, that may be her context. I would just be honest with her, since you were close ish. There is no value in turning this into a multi decade situation. Talk with her, as someone who cares to continue the relationship, not as an attack or fight. See how that goes and go from there.

Also, did you really need her support or did you just want her to do xyz to show she cared? It’s ok to feel as you do in either case but I do think it’s relevant. 
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