Reply to Husband stopping at random dive bars for one beer?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]	I’d not like this. [b]Why is he doing this alone when he’s got a wife who may like to join him, or who would like to see him?[/b] Why does he not want you to share in this cool experience with him where nobody knows his name? Why does he need or want to be someplace where nobody knows him to partake in a legal adult activity? Just weird. Even people who consumjed pot before it became legal told their families.. if they liked their families. It wasn’t a secret, and you generally knew where they were, who they were with and what they were doing, none of this random “I’m going to stop off randomly for um just one and nobody I know better see me”. Totally strange for an adult to do when the activity is 100 percent legal and has been for decades.

My sense is that he’s either trying to see what you’ll put up with, or something more is going on, picking up women or trying to, illegal drug use, gambling something that you aren’t going to like. Either that, or he’s becoming selfish, what are you doing when he’s randomly stopping at bars? Does he know or care or does he just expect you’ve got it covered because you’re the woman and are home anyway? That’s disrespectful and would be untenable to me. Whatever is or isn’t going on, I would be sad that my husband was creating a lifestyle in which he did not want me to share with him. That would then become a marriage I no longer would want to be in.  I don’t know if that’s the answer for you, but no way would I allow this oddball behavior to continue, and while I can’t control another person, I can very much control what I do next.   
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Do you ever need to be alone for just a few minutes to relax, destress or collect yourself?  At home, have you ever retreated to the bathroom to read on your phone, just to get away from the spouse, the dirty kitchen or the kids for 10 minutes?   Have you ever been home and decided to go run a quick errand that needed to be done, so that you could stop and grab a coffee and drink it in your car just for the quiet?

You may never need downtime, but if so, you are a very small minority of the population.  The majority of the population periodically gets stressed, overwhelmed or just exhausted from their life and needs a little downtime.  I am a night owl.  My kids go to sleep and my spouse and I watch TV for an hour and then they go to bed.  I have 1-2 hours after spouse goes to sleep to chill and get my decompression time.  But if I didn't have that, I might need time elsewhere in my day for the downtime.

I don't discount that any of the other things you posit might happen.  I just think it's a big leap to go from stopping for a 5-15 min beer occasionally to making those assumptions.

As for the disrespect, it's only disrespect if the SAHM does not get any downtime to herself.  But coming home 15 minutes later than you would is not disrespectful.[/quote]

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