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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Marriage is doomed. [/quote]

Why do you say this? [/quote]

You are never going to let it go. You will always have questions. Even 10 years from now you will have doubts and questions. He will get tired of eating shit.[/quote]

I haven't read the whole thread, but this comment is more useful than it appears.  PP is correct that you will have doubts and questions many years into the future.  PP is also correct that your spouse will eventually grow tired of being interrogated and/or being punished for what he or she did wrong.

The real key is that he or she should be doing things that reassure you that this will not occur again.  You need to respond to those efforts by increasing trust, over time.  At some point in the near term, you need to ask whatever questions you need to ask and be done with questioning.  More questions will not solve the issues between you.

- someone who had an affair once, did the required work and never cheated again. Still married to spouse and in some ways, better off as we addressed our issues.[/quote]

Coming from it from the betrayed side, I don't disagree with you on most points, but in my experience a lot of people conflate asking questions with talking about the affair at all. A big trauma needs to be processed . . . it's like an infected wound that needs to be completely drained. So if there's any kind of push back from the cheater around the betrayed bringing it up, then that wound is going to stay infected. Sure, asking questions about who, what, where, when isn't helpful when you have the general gist. But you need to be able to communicate your hurt to someone who is taking ownership and expressing empathy without them acting like you're some weirdo for having feelings.[/quote]

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