Reply to It is so much easier to be a good parent when not working

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is 100% true even if stay at home moms love to pretend it’s not. Because their life is just sooooooo hard. [/quote]

Eh. I agree with OP--it is easier to be a better parent when not trying to balance a paid job. But, being a SAHM is, for many women, soooo hard. I mean, if you have 1 kid and a full time nanny and tons of money, I imagine that is a cushy life. But that isn't the typical SAHM. My friends who have done it have 2-5 kids, varying amounts of money, and someone always needs something. I only have one SAHM friend whose husband truly takes on an equal share of work between 5:30 pm or so and 8 am or so. For the most part, SAHMs seem to do ALL or almost all of the kid and household stuff. I would go out of my mind in that situation. Yes, I get that there are some women who do all of almost all of the household and kid stuff except for outsourcing childcare while they also work a full-time job, and that would also be a nightmare to me. But I know more working moms with spouses that do their share of the work than SAHMs with spouses doing their share (I don't mean 50%--but 50% of what needs to be done when the working spouse is not working). [/quote]

Once the kids are school aged, it’s silly for the DH of a SAHM to do 50% after work hours. I have down time during the day when the kids are at school/camp, he doesn’t. Of course he should have down time in the evenings! He was completely hands on in the under-5 years and still is very involved, helps cook, drives to activities, even coaches. But now that the kids don’t need supervision for showers or evening play time, he’s fine to sit and read while I clean the kitchen or switch the laundry. I get my rest during his workday! I can’t imagine nickel-and-diming him when we have such a nice life thanks to him.[/quote]

Idk… there is just something so pathetic about this dynamic to me. I don’t want my kids thinking “Dad goes into the world and makes money and has exciting experiences. Mom mops the kitchen and folds laundry.” It’s better to model a healthy, balanced relationship with spouses on equal footing.[/quote]

Your attitude is an example of internalized misogyny and the [b]capitalist devaluation of traditionally womens’ work.[/b]  Personally I don’t want my kids thinking that work is valuable/meaningful/worthy of respect only if there is a paycheck attached.

[/quote]

[b]Well that’s the point. I don’t want it to be considered “women’s work” I want it to be considered “parent’s work”. And that only happens if both spouses commit to load-balancing. Not if one quits so the other one can become a workaholic.[/quote][/b]

Perhaps you don’t even want it to be considered “parent’s work” but rather the housecleaner’s work, or the nanny’s work, or some other (most likely) woman you can pay to keep your family/life functioning smoothly while  quietly looking down on at the same time because she has an “easy” or “low skill” job while YOU are out there in the world (where is she?) having super exciting experiences (at your desk) and making (more) money (than her)!!!

Or maybe you DO want it to be parent’s work (you will outsource nothing) so your kids get the message that it’s far more important for BOTH parents to spend all of their waking hours working their asses off, either for pay or at home, with little time, physical, or mental energy left over to just relax and try to enjoy life together with their family, and certainly not to prioritize their kids’ day to day lives!  They’re resilient!  They’re fine!  They LOVE their schedules being booked solid all year!

Or maybe you and your spouse both have jobs that aren’t exhausting or stressful, that don’t require you to spend hours of your life stuck in traffic, and you don’t have to worry about being late to pick up the kids from daycare/aftercare/nanny or what to do for sick days (or teacher workdays or winter vacation or summer break), and your house never gets messy, and the laundry does itself as does the grocery shopping and the cooking!  In which case, congratulations, you’ve got it good.  (Other than your seeming inability to recognize that other families have different stressors/priorities/values than you and choosing to do things differently doesn’t mean they are “pathetic”)[/quote]

Well said [/quote]

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