Reply to Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".

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Reply to "Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy". "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP, at what point does the person who is feeling pitied have to address if those feelings of inadequacy (while valid) are warranted? Just because I *feel* a certain way doesn't mean that's how the other person feels towards me.[/quote]

Yes but the effect of behavior matters more than the intentions of the behavior.

I had a friend once who constantly sent me job listings and was suggesting new jobs for me. I liked my job and told her repeatedly that I wasn't looking to change jobs. I also wasn't interested in the jobs she sent me, which I think were more like what she though I should be doing and not what I actually wanted to do.

I really don't think she was trying to be judgmental or rude when she did this. I think she was trying to be helpful and it was done out of love and care for me. But the effect was that I felt judged by her, that I felt like she thought I was insufficiently ambitious or that she didn't respect my work. In the end, I asked her to stop because of how her behavior made me feel, even though I knew it was not her intent to make me feel that way. And to her credit, she did, because she came to understand that her behavior was not having the intended effect.[/quote]

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