Reply to 2023: where will you move when your kids leave home?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If your relationship with your kids is important to you, and/or you’d like to see them at least semi-regularly now and in the future, move somewhere easy to travel to and make sure they have a comfortable place to stay when they visit. Most likely your kids won’t have a real home base after you move for years—try to make one in your new spot for them as much as possible.

I don’t think people always realize it, but the years after high school and into early 20s are pretty critical to start forming new traditions and expectations around time together that’ll stick with their kids even after they marry and have children of their own. We know two couples well that moved immediately after their kids were all out of the house and didn’t prioritize helping them afford to travel for Thanksgivings, etc. or setting a pattern of regular visits. Now they are often angry and wonder why they don’t see their grandkids often and why their kids don’t spend many holidays with them. It’s painful to hear about.

Not saying you shouldn’t move—or that adult children shouldn’t be expected to put in effort too!—just sharing something we’ve definitely noticed and kept in mind. [/quote]

My parents moved away right after I graduated HS and moved 2 more times since then. They’ve downsized and then upsized somewhere more rural thinking we’d need room to visit more often now that we have kids. Except they’re a plane ride away and we have to rent a car to get out to where they are. It’s just not that easy to visit them and there isn’t much to do where they are except chain restaurants and a few parks. We try to go down once every 12-18 months, but it’s a lot of money and time off work, and it’s not home where I grew up. It’s also not somewhere we’d choose to spend vacation time if my parents weren’t there. My DH’s family all stayed within an hour or two of each other (including aunts, uncles, cousins) so we see them much more often including for day meetups.

I’ve told DH we aren’t downsizing as soon as the kids go off to college because I want to be home base for them like I didn’t have. And we’re not going somewhere hard to get to. He agrees with me. Honestly we’ll probably stay in our close-in, walkable SFH and take over the main level bedroom as we age. [/quote]

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