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[quote=Anonymous]OP--I have posted previously, as an adoptive mother.  The judgment and vitriol expressed on this thread saddens me deeply.  Please, if you feel that the time is right do make an effort to contact your daughter--although I agree it is best to go through a third party.  She should have the benefit of a layer of distance just as you had a layer of distance in her her first contact with you.  I applaud you first for making the decision to place your child for adoption when you felt you could not be the kind of mother she deserved and/or provide a suitable home life for your child.  I also applaud your decision to refrain from accepting her initial attempt to contact you if you were not in a proper frame of mind to answer her questions and address her desire for contact.  I don't understand the viciousness of the attacks for you.  I would not presume to judge you for the decisions that you have made---irregardless of whether they were made selflessly or selfishly, as others have suggested. I think is was best for you daughter (even if painful) not to meet you if you were not ready to address the past.   Since you now find yourself in a position where you feel ready to address her concerns, please do take the risk in contacting her.  She may or may not respond, but at that point the choice is hers and she will have a sense of closure either way.  I hope that someday my daughter will have the privilege of meeting the woman who gave her life, but in a closed adoption, I and she understand that she does not have a right to that meeting.  In a perfect world both she and her birth mother will come to that place together.  Good luck to you and please try to ignore the hatred on this thread. [/quote]

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