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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I realize this thread is likely going to deteriorate rapidly, im hoping to get a few examples from those living it and hoping those that answer don’t bother coming back to read what will likely spiral into “why did you even have kids” comments

My therapist observed I’ve really narrowly boxed myself into what makes a “good” parent and what makes a “good” professional life basically leaving no viable option to feel good about how I’m doing about both.  Logically I agree, but I’m trying to turn that practically into ways I can loosen my rigid parenting definitely

So if you and your spouse both have fairly inflexible jobs, are you comfortable with:
- someone else (nanny / grandparent) - taking your kid to routine doctor and dental appts
- your kid not always having someone at every school performance
- you kid having someone else help them get ready for school or eat dinner with them on a routine basis (not everyday night but not like once a month either)

What are things you feel must be done by a parent (if anything in particular) versus a more flexible generally being there for them and spending enough time with them without rigid rules around what’s ok [/quote]

I’m not going to read all 7 pages of this thread but here’s what we do (two demanding and inflexible jobs):

* Have an amazing nanny who we treat and pay extremely well.

* Nanny gets little kid dressed, does most dr appointments, drives to all activities, feeds and bathes kids. They don’t have homework yet but she has the older kid practice reading and writing every day.

* I come home just in time to put kids to bed almost every night and get to do the fun stuff with them — read to them and talk about their days. When I have to travel or have a late work call husband does bedtime then.

* We make every performance and school event as a family.

* Weekends are free for family time since we’re not running around to activities.

The downsides are that I have to work late almost every single night because of the time I spend putting them to bed and I also have no time to exercise or socialize with my husband. And my older kid really wants more of my time.

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So your nanny works 11-12 hours a day, 5 days a week? I didn’t know nannies would do that regularly. [/quote]

I’m the previous poster this was in response to. Our nanny works 8:30 - 6:30 Mon - Fri. We never ask her to stay late unexpectedly. We don’t ask her to clean up after us or do other non-child related household tasks. We pay her a high hourly rate for this area and pay her legal time and a half overtime. We treat her well and appreciate her. She is very happy. She’s loving and a skilled and patient teacher. Better than we would be if we were carting the kids around all day.

To the person who said I gave away my soul, I would say I work very hard to give my kids an idyllic life where they have all the comforts of a 2 income household but also have involved and present parents. I also derive a lot of personal satisfaction from my work because I’m really good at it and the work I do helps a lot of people.

But there’s no perfect life. The downside of mine is that I have to work late every night after I put the kids to bed. I have to travel sometimes (not often). And I don’t have time right now to exercise and not much time for my husband and I don’t have hobbies. I think most working moms of small kids don’t have time to exercise or have hobbies or spend quality time with husband so don’t think I’m alone there. I am hopeful those things will come back when the kids are older.

I’m just chiming in to this thread because I think I’ve figured out one way to do this that works with young kids at least and I hope it helps the OP. A great nanny is key to the equation and paying her well and treating her well is essential and it’s a rare job that affords that luxury. The alternative I think would be to take a flexible job and honestly that’s my plan when my kids are older.

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