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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
This. Key point-- ONE kid. And only one stepkid. That's why they didn't get maxed-out and miserable. If OP's girlfriend says [b]"I want my kids to be #3 and #4, and have less of their father's attention than they would if they were #1 and #2, and I want him to pay child support for many years to come, and I want to plan all our vacations around the big kids' school schedules, and I want to parent little kids by myself a lot of the time while their dad takes his older kids to activities, and I want my husband to be in frequent contact with his ex-wife"[/b]-- if she says all those things then totally go for it! Enjoy your sleepless infants and your toddler parenting-- it's much harder in your 40s.[/quote]
That's not how it would actually work out, though. New wife's kids would get the better deal all-around. The dad has more money because he's more established in his work, is a more attentive father because he has a better understanding of work-life balance than when he was younger and trying to be successful, and is also probably a better partner to Wife #2 now that he knows what works (and what doesn't) from Marriage #1.

The younger kids and new-to-parenting Wife #2 will get the lion's share of his attention. He won't even be aware of this because he's actually is in love with Wife #2, while Wife #1 is now just some woman that he used to be married to. Still loves his kids from Marriage #1, but they are older, more independent and they have their mother, don't they? And his child support checks? He can't be in two places at once, and he lives with his Second Family.

You know all of this is true, which is why you're in this thread trying to advocate on behalf of the kids from Marriage #1. The only way a blended family works is if Wife #2 really wants to embrace the kids from Marriage #1. If it's tense and awkward with Wife #1, that probably will never happen and thus, the older kids won't feel part of Dad's new life and will drift away. [/quote]

Maybe. Or maybe he's older and more tired and has more health problems than he did when the first kids were little. Having an older dad is not such a great deal even if you don't have any older half-siblings. You're into the eldercare stuff much sooner, and he's not going to be much of a grandfather to your own kids. And maybe he's learned about marriage, maybe he hasn't, or maybe he hasn't improved enough to overcome the built-in problems of this situation. He earns more, but does he earn enough to support four kids when he didn't plan ahead for the younger two? And will his health hold up so that he can realize his earning potential? Younger second wives are often very naive about what a stepfamily will actually be like, and resent that they aren't getting the first-go-round parenting experience. Basically you're a stepmom for a while, then parenting teens, then you realize you're married to an old guy. It's not easy. Maybe the second-round kids and wife are getting a "better" deal than the first-round kids did, but it still isn't a very good setup.

Teenagers can be very, very time-consuming and expensive. Yes they get a bit more independent, but they still need a lot of parenting and supervision (even if they'd rather be unsupervised). If they have serious problems like drug use, it's going to be a huge issue and require copious time and attention. If they have any particular talent or sport, that can cost a lot too, plus travel. Then there's college visits. Then college. Then there will be a bit of a lull in their mid-twenties, then they'll start in with weddings and babies and wanting him to be an involved grandfather, meanwhile he'll be occupied with the younger set home as teenagers. It's a lot. In a family with 4 or more kids, it's always something, even as the kids grow older and even if everything is going well. If anyone develops a serious health or personal problem, the total family load can be a lot to bear.

He's still going to owe child support, not sure what you mean about being in two places at once. The less custody time he has with the older kids, the more he's going to owen. Don't forget about paying for college! Oh, and can't skimp on retirement savings-- not much time to catch up on that. [/quote]

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