Reply to Anyone else realize how crappy their own mother was once you became a mother yourself?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - I don't think I am explaining myself well.

The point of my post is that despite turning out "okay" I wish I had a deeper/warmer emotional connection with my mother. She was super strict/religious and overreacted about everything when I was growing up so I quickly felt from a very young age that I couldn't really share anything with her and my ticket out was to do well in school. And it's still true - whenever I am with her she immediately reverts back to treating me like a teenager and still takes my younger sister's side in every conflict so my instinct is to just both of them at arms length.

This is all coming to a head now since they are crashing my vacation next week. Again not a real question, just complaining.

[/quote]

You explained yourself fine. You just triggered a bunch of people who feel defensive about their own parenting or who are still processing what they dealt with as kids. And maybe just a few random jerks.

I think what you are going through is totally normal. Some people actually find it healing to recognize that they are parting their child the way they should have been parented, but resentment, sadness, and other uncomfortable feelings pop up along the way.

You didn't ask, but just know that it would be OK for you and your DH to keep your vacation plans to yourselves to prevent your mom and sister from "crashing" Just lie to them. [b]They seem to have a dysfunctional dynamic that requires you being around. [/b]It is totally fine for you not to play in to that.[/quote]
Dp. That is so interesting to me. My sisters summon me to family events, ignore or harass me while I'm there and punish me when I decline invitations. Recently, my sister refused to come with me to a doctor's appt where I was expecting (and received) a life altering diagnosis. The reason she gave was because I don't attend family functions.[/quote]

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