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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To OP -
I am in an affair right now . Reading this has been helpful . I am in love with him and he says he is also with me . However , kids are involved which makes me hesitant to leave . I also second what people on here are saying that affairs are a fun fantasy . Like my AP and I don’t have to discuss bills , raising kids together . All the mundane stressful things that married people do together . But I was in the same situation as you where my husband and I struggled with conflicts for years and then he seemed to have decreasing desire for me . He refuses to go to therapy .  The attention and love my AP gives me is indeed addicting . There is a big draw to be that good mom to your kids and stay with you husband and try to work on things through therapy . I wish you the best of luck and sorry for your pain . [/quote]

Pp, please end the affair for the sake of your children.  I realized something while I was mourning my relationship with AP, which I very reluctantly ended- when I was a child the adults in my life all declined to just do the right thing for their own selfish reasons.  By staying in the affair, I was doing the same thing to my kids and AP’s kids and passing on that trauma to the next generation- to FIVE kids, all because I messed up as an adult.  Yes, my fake affair “happiness” is gone, that rush is gone, the excitement is gone, but I’ve “sacrificed” my own happiness before for far less.[/quote]

OP here. If you don’t mind me asking, do you feel relieved? How long did it take you to get over the initial consuming sadness?[/quote]

I don’t know if I would call it relief- more of a conviction that no matter what I simply cannot contact this person ever again.  My marriage was imploding simultaneously and it took a couple of months to regain my equilibrium.  But your sanity will eventually come back, sort of in spurts.  To this day I still occasionally fantasize about AP but the thought of contacting him makes me sick.  [/quote]

OP here. My grief with this is coming in waves. The longer that he goes without texting, the more I feel like he didn’t care, if that makes any sense. [/quote]

OP what you are about to experience in terms of the evolution in how you feel about yourself when the AP does not contact you is going to be very hard. I am sorry to tell you.[/quote]

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