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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think what you did was ‘tattling’ and who cares if it irks BIL?? Maybe his MIL will guilt him into actually watching his own children!  Your job is to protect your kids, and it sounds like you have told BIL to his face repeatedly NOT to dump his kids on your teen, and he doesn’t listen! So I think it’s a good thing you explained why you said no to MIL.

When MIL heard your concerns, did she agree to only bring the older kids? If she already invited the whole family, then you just say no, or you go along and help supervise and/or hold the line with BIL and the kid dumping.  Maybe MIL can plan another birthday outing for the tweens, or maybe not, but standing up for your oldest is more important. I am stressed enough looking after my own three kids at a huge water park, I can’t imagine doing it as a teenager with cousins who may or may not listen to him and stay together etc. Not only would it be stressful in the moment, if something were to happen on his watch, he would live with the guilt the rest of his life. [/quote]

Op cares if it irks the BIL becomes now things are awkward. The cost of being right can be too steep if you ruin relationships. [/quote]

Awkward for BIL, who is now found out to be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT who fobs off a one-year old on a teen, you mean? No wonder MIL and he had words. As a Grandmother, I don't think MIL is too pleased with her useless son.

It is on the teen's parent to protect them from being exploited. And the best way to stop this is to speak out: "BIL, you always drop off the kids with Larlo and expect him to watch your one-year old baby and the others. In what universe do you think this is safe for your kids? Larlo isn't a professional nanny, and it stresses him out. He's not going to have good memories of your family dropping by if he's always supposed to watch his cousins, and he certainly won't remember YOU fondly. Stop using him. If you want him to babysit occasionally, you should request his services and pay him the going rate."

OP chose to tell MIL, which is fine too, and not a moment too soon.

Can't believe you people walking on eggshells around this loser user.

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Ok but there goes the best friend, cousins, and perhaps ties to their deceased fathers family bc of something that isn’t even OPs problem. Most people don’t go through life burning every bridge when you could be more tactful.[/quote]

But tact is not working! Continuing to capitulate is prioritizing BIL over her child. [/quote]

Calm down. OP isn't nearly as worked up over this and is calling it an annoyance. Why a 15 yr old wants to continue hanging out with this group is the real issue here. What 15 yr old wants to go to a water park with all these much younger cousins and no same aged friend? My teen would certainly rather stay home. If the teen doesn't even go, problem solved.[/quote]

How insulting and paternalistic to tell pp to calm down. She's speaking up because of the typical misogynistic crap being thrown at op and much of it aggressive and nasty. [/quote]

What are you talking about? Clearly PP is extra worked up over something OP isn't.  "Continuing to capitulate" is totally OPs opinion on this. Not based on fact or anything the OP has said. She generally likes BIL. Why the need to make mountains out of molehills? Are y'all that bored?[/quote]

Are you a man because this seems like the most pathetic mansplaining I've seen in a while. PP was reacting to the nasty comments aimed at op. She did nothing wrong in the way she addressed the issue with grandma but you and others imply she is blowing up a whole family dynamic and blaming her and not the true source of the problem. It is 2023 and way past time to end this sexist bs. [/quote]

Yes let's blow it all up. What great advice for OP who has very close links with her deceased brother's family. Instead of using words and communicating effectively to resolve conflict. Sorry you give shit advice. And nope I'm not a man so you can take your "mansplaining" and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.[/quote]

You with the insane hysteria. You clearly refuse to consider what anyone else is saying. Where did she blow it all up? She wasn't aggressive or rude with her words. How was what she said ineffective communication? You just don't like a woman speaking in a more direct manner. She could have been more clear and direct and still not be rude or relationship ruining. Those traits belong to bil. [/quote]

You’re weird. OP mostly has a good relationship with her deceased husband’s family. This is a small hiccup in the grand scheme. What are you so angry about? Im speaking directly to you and you can’t stand it and call me a man. Bizarre. The language you are using does not match OPs language or tone at all. That’s my issue. She’s much more chill about this and not screaming that “tact isn’t working!” And “capitulating” She has barely tried and the most recent convo was with the grandmother. Maybe talk to the BiL if you’re so for direct communication. [/quote]

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