Reply to I follow Catholic teaching on contraception. Ask me anything.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am pregnant with my fourth child. My oldest just turned six. Between kids, we used birth control, but even with a birth control method I was often worried that I may become pregnant when I didn't want to be. We had far less sex because of it, and I know that after this baby is born (my absolute last) I will be completely averse to having sex with my husband until he has a vasectomy.

I love and value my children and view them as an immense blessing and the best part of who I am. But I don't have the capacity to have more than four. And I need to have sex with my husband to maintain a healthy marriage.

So OP - what am I supposed to do under your set of rules?  I am highly fertile and get pregnant immediately when we stop birth control - and two of my pregnancies were conceived during times that should by most measures have been my "God given naturally infertile" times. So - birth control and healthy marriage, or abstinence and unhealthy marriage?  Which am I supposed to choose?[/quote]

I had my fourth when my oldest was six, too.  Beautiful children, but so much work!

But in response to your question, I can only say...these are not my rules.  These are the rules of creation.  If that sounds harsh, remember that these rules were made in love.  A love beyond our comprehension.

And yet, our world is not perfect.  Some PPs took note of that:  "in a perfect world, maybe, but...". But we are called to do what is right, even when we ourselves are wronged.

For example, living this teaching requires men to be devoted to their wives and children, to respect fertility as an intrinsic part of a woman. But in this world, men leave their wives and abandon their children.  All kinds of bad things happen.  It's tragic, heartbreaking.

Still, the truth about love and sexuality remains the same.  We can violate the rules, ignore the rules, not even exactly know about them, but they are still there.

Sometimes the only way to open our hearts is by breaking them.  Our most grandiose plans for ourselves might look puny compared to God's plans for us.  Many women who are open to life cannot have children.  Many women who are overwhelmed by the chaos of many kids are super-fertile.  What are they being called to do?  To die to self, to trust God.

So to your specific situation, I would say that birth control negates the possibility of a truly healthy marriage, because sex renews the wedding vows, which means sex must be done freely, totally, and faithfully, while open to life.  If circumstances really require chastity within your marriage, that would be a great sacrifice, but if you both agree that it is essential, then you would be sacrificing for one another, for your children.  Would you lay down your life for your spouse?  Would he do so for you?  Would you do so for your children?  Do you express your love for your spouse by giving him gifts, but also by caring for him when he is sick, or taking on a task he really hates, or staying up with sick kids because he has an important presentation at work?  Love is often about sacrifice.

I happen to have a medical condition that makes NFP almost impossible.  I can get frustrated when people talk casually about it, as if it does not ask too much of anyone.  It can ask a LOT.  But there is nothing impossible for God, and we can find the strength to endure anything for the sake of love, if we ask for the graces necessary.

The Theology of the Body is not a random collection of punitive measures dreamt up by sexless men.  As a Catholic, I believe it is God's own truth.  And if lived faithfully, it is the way to happiness in this messed up world.

Someone asked what is my faith?  It is the Catechism, the Creed.  And those things are the truths of our existence.  I believe my faith to be true.  There is truth found in everything, and all truth, wherever found, belongs to God.  Some truths look harder than others, but in actuality, "my burden is light."

I wish I could have addressed every question, but my window of opportunity was smaller than I thought.  I appreciated the opportunity to answer some questions people had.  Of course, if anyone wants better answers, just go to the source.  Peace be with you all.[/quote]

I get that you believe this.  But WHY do you believe this.

Do you not see the number of unsupported statements you just made?

[quote]these are not my rules.  These are the rules of creation.[/quote]
[quote]Still, the truth about love and sexuality remains the same.  We can violate the rules, ignore the rules, not even exactly know about them, but they are still there.
[/quote]
[quote]birth control negates the possibility of a truly healthy marriage, because sex renews the wedding vows, which means sex must be done freely, totally, and faithfully, while open to life.[/quote]
[img]We can violate the rules, ignore the rules, not even exactly know about them, but they are still there.[/img]

How do you know that these are the rules of creation?  How do you know that a healthy marriage cannot exist when a couple is using contraception?  Do you not see with your own eyes healthy marriages in your own neighborhood, heck even in your own parish, knowing they are using birth control?  Do you assume these marriages are disordered in some way that is hidden to you, because you have been told it is true?

The Church documents on this repeat the same assertions over and over and over until it seems like truth.  Humanae Vitae claims it is true and footnotes Gaudium Et Spes.  Gaudium Et Spes.  Gaudium Et Spes makes the same assertion and its only evidence is Genesis: "Increase and Multiply".  From this they jump to the conclusion that the primary duty of married couples is to have children and that birth control violates this duty.

We all know couples with healthy marriages who use birth control.  How can we deny it?  We know elderly couples who marry for reasons clearly other than procreation.  No one denies them their happiness.  There is something wrong with this doctrine if no one can offer proof beyond the assertion of the Magisterium that this is how it is.

If you can provide more proof behind the key claims above, I would love to hear it.  I clearly have spent enough time reading Church documents.  I have spent over 40 years in the Church, and I have yet to see more proof.  The typical responses are (a) point me to Humanae Vitae, which I have clearly read down to the footnotes, (b) appeal to the beauty of the Church's vision for marriage (which does not mean that it is the only beautiful vision of marriage), and then finally (c) tell me that if I have not "truly opened my heart" I will never get it.  What I never see is (d) biblical or philosophical support for the assertion that procreation is so fundamental to marriage that a healthy marriage cannot exist without the possibility of children, or if there are children the possibility of even more children.
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