Reply to Why isn’t it socially acceptable to say that you regret having kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's interesting. I am sort of on the other side of things.

I was married and had children like a lot of women and did "the things." Nursed. Quit my job when my children were infants because things were too hard and nothing my husband could do was right. I was a bubbling, angry ball of resentment even when I did things like get the job I really wanted (I then resented working or not working enough or not traveling enough, etc).

Quietly, my ex, did something that in hindsight was an incredibly kind thing, but also sort of doomed our marriage. He just took everything I complained about on. Daycare drop offs? He did it, kid runs, scheduling, all of the elementary stuff and activities and cooking and cleaning. He did all of this while making three times as much as me and excelled in his career. The three of them sort of operated as this machine, sure they loved me, but when I took that job that allowed me to travel, to work on high profile projects. I continue to resent them, but it was different. I wasn't necessary, etc. I did some not great things (affair) but again, blamed my circumstances.

All of this to say, after a lot of therapy, all roads led back to me. I really did create the problems in my life. Yes, society was more than happy to help me self-destruct, but it took me buying part and parcel the  BS of misogynic rules in our society.

I have a very, very distant relationship with my young adult (post-college) kids. A friendly aunt? My ex ended the marriage once the kids were in college/settled.  The three of them are still close from what I understand. We all actually have a pretty respectful relationship but my son and daughter really don't want much to do with me and my daughter has been pretty open about her resentments. I still travel and have adventure and answer to no one but all of this came at a cost and there was a pound of pain that I inflicted on myself.

Sorry for the long post. TLDR, yes, you can resent your kids and your life. But there's a cost.[/quote]

PP, don’t beat yourself up too much.[/quote]

Seriously? This person abandoned her family to do whatever she wanted and is still the victim here? Make it make sense.

If anything, her maudlin, "I'm the problem, it's me" is so, so self-serving. She made choices. Instead of owning them and the consequences, including her impact on other people like her ex and her kids, she blames...society. Yeah, no.

I am all for people making their own choices. But nothing annoys me more or undermines valid points as much as people who make decisions which IMPACT OTHERS and then hide behind their choices under a veil of being a victim. I'm just so dam triggered. This woman could have been my mother but she never left, made our lives he -- ll until we all went running to college and our father finally got the courage to get a divorce. [/quote]

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