Reply to Phrase to get strangers to stop admonishing autistic child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]May I offer my perspective? Premature babies used to die. Often. Now we save many of those fragile children, who go on to have special needs at a higher rate. Furthermore, kids with special needs used to be hidden away. For both of these reasons, older people sometimes have less experience and compassion with our kids.  This kind of it-takes-a-village mentality might have been helpful when dealing with my NT kid. It would be hell when dealing with my child with multiple special needs. However, fifty years ago, my special needs child would have died at birth. I’m not wording it well, but I think that’s why the people who do this to me are often older. I know for damn sure they don’t have a neurodivergent kid. In their world, they’re being “helpful”. I don’t have the right words myself, but it helps ME to think that they’re trying to help, unless the judgement is unavoidable. [/quote]

That’s a kind view, and maybe for some people. But my 80 year old mom is extremely judgmental of children behaving poorly in public. Heck, she’s extremely judgmental of society saving extremely premature babies. Anyone who is not perfect deserves pity and maybe some scorn in her eyes. I’m sure it does have to do with the time and the place in which she was raised. BUT — and this is the horrible part — my brother, her own son, has ADHD, dyslexia, mental health challenges, and other learning disabilities, which were apparent from when he was a toddler. So the idea that elderly people don’t get it because these kids didn’t exist when elderly people were younger is false. By brother existed. Thankfully, cultural attitudes have changed, for most/many of us. I think that’s what is different.[/quote]

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