Reply to I got an email telling me my daughter is a mean girl.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Once I was with my DD when we passed a classmate of hers. The other girl gave my daughter a big smile and a friendly greeting. My daughter blatantly ignored her.  I smoothed things over as best I could in the moment and then tackled the issue when I was alone with DD.

It turns out that my charismatic, popular DD ignored the other girl simply because she didn’t want to be friends with this girl. I explained that DD’s behavior was mean and bullying and that I wouldn’t tolerate it. I explained that while she can’t be friends with everyone and is entitled to pick who will and won’t be a friend, that is different than being friendly. I further explained that every human being deserves basic respect and that everyone should be treated with common courtesy.  [/quote]

This.

Something people seem not to understand is that schools are a community, which means even if you don't want to be friends with someone, you are still part of a group with them and if you engage in exclusionary, hurtful behavior in that setting, it's bullying.

There's a difference between choosing not to invite someone to your home for a party (normal, you really don't have to be friends with everyone) and refusing to sit next to someone in class or in the lunch room because you aren't friends with them. There's a difference between not texting or friending someone on social media (totally okay, you are not required to communicate with someone outside of school they aren't your friend) and acting as though a classmate simply does not exist. There's a difference between silently thinking "ugh, I find Larla annoying and think her hair looks greasy" (everyone is entitled to their thoughts and opinions) and sharing that thought with Larla or with other kids at the school you and Larla attend together.

So much of this is just basic courtesy that people have decided is no longer necessary unless you actively like someone. But that's not true. You are still expected to exercise basic courtesy EVEN to peopel you don't like and don't want to be friends with. All children should be taught this. It's actually really important for society to function.[/quote]

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