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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Did not expect a four page thread on this but I should have known better ;)

So to answer some questions, first off DH hasn’t been making 7 figures as partner for five years, just for the last one.  He was 500K, then 650, 800, etc.  He worked his way up.

Yes, our savings are our retirement as well, hence why I’m anxious.

For the PP who asked why he’s miserable- I think most people who have been in big law or know someone married to Big law know the answer, but it’s relentless.  You’re either crazy busy and stressed or not busy and stressed because you’re worrying about billable hours.  You’re at the mercy of the clients anytime day or night.  But most of all it’s cutthroat and money and clients are power and DH just doesn’t like to operate that way.

And yes, he’s had a government job before.  This is his second firm, and he did five years in govt between them.  He loved every second and was so happy, but we then had a third child and our oldest was starting school and we needed to leave DC for better schools and a bigger house so he took one for the team.

And I have never said I’m not open to going back to work once my youngest is in school full day.  But as I said I’m a teacher and even if I go back, while it would help, I’m not going to be bringing in anything significant.

Our spending is primarily mortgage, household bills, and food.  He’s often not home for dinner and I have three young kids so we eat out or order in more than we would if he switched jobs.  His law school loans are paid off, and we have no other debt.  I think like a lot of people out discretionary spending is Amazon purchases and target runs and yes it all adds up.  We would 100% be willing to rein that in.  My concern stems just from the basics- food, mortgage, bills, etc.  Our older two kids do a lot of sports (not summer camps because I’m
Home with them and they don’t need to) but we aren’t willing to budge in spending for their activities.  We are also committed to 100% financing their undergraduate educations.  Neither DH nor I had any undergraduate student loans and we feel very strongly about starting off kids off without debt.  If they decide to go to med school or  law school or what have you, if we are able to help we will but no guarantees in that front.  [/quote]

I am the poster who asked why your husband is miserable.

[b]I know many biglaw partners who are quite happy and have been for decades.[/b]

OP: Maybe it is because this is a DC based website, but the responses are unusual in my experience for one in your situation. I wonder how many posters are actually in biglaw based on the responses.

Your husband wants to quit after his most financially successful year. Of course, there is stress for one with a family of 5 to support and for one generating over a million dollars in annual income. In my opinion, he should tough it out for a few more years to see how he adjusts. If unwilling to do so, then there are more options than just government work.  However, SEC attorneys can make about $250,000 while other US government attorneys at the GS-15 level are earning in the $160s to low $180s.

[b]Anyone in biglaw should be aware of at least two other options--going in-house or making an "Of Counsel" agreement instead of being a partner.[/b][/quote]

Have a very different experience re: the first bolded. Spouse and I both started careers in biglaw and most partners we know/knew are very unhappy. Being happy requires finding the right niche practice area and a special personality type.

That said, agree re: the second bolded. I'd absolutely recommend looking at in-house or Of Counsel arrangements. Should be able to find better income/happiness balance.
[/quote]

Yeah, DH is a lawyer and has done Big Law (two different firms), in house a few places, and is now a partner at a small firm. Most everyone he knows professionally is a lawyer. Almost none of the partners are happy except 1 or 2 notable exceptions who basically don't have to do legal work any more. One just develops work (and is amazing at it) and then hands it off, and the other is a firm managing partner so essentially runs the firm but doesn't service clients. All the other partners we know hate it. Many of them have made their peace and straight up said they are not willing to walk away from the money even if they are unhappy. They have big mortgages and private school bills to pay. Others did leave and are much happier, but those are the ones who were more prudent financially.

But until OP and her husband actually crunch numbers, which it does NOT sound like they have done, they have no clue if they can do what they are proposing. Given their relatively low savings, I suspect she spends much more than she realizes, even if its not on anything fancy. DH and I have determined we need about $225k annual income to what we call "keep the lights on." To us this means pay mortgage and utilities, taxes, maintenence, maximize retirement and college savings vehicles, pay for reasonable (but not fancy) kid activities and take non fancy vacations. This does NOT include purchasing new cars, major home renovations beyond maintenance, or fancy "special" vacations. So we pay for those with the money we make over $225k and those would all be cut if we suddently needed to live on $225k. How OP  would do it on a Gov salary is beyond me. [/quote]
I'm a lawyer who works with a lot of BigLaw firms.  I don't think most who make it to partner actually hate the work--most enjoy it to some extent or they wouldn't have gotten that far.  I think most just hate the quantity of work and how it takes over all aspects of your life.   Some hate their firm politics, but that is very firm dependant.  Others seem to find colleagues they actually like, and that helps make it all feel more tolerable, even if never ending.[/quote]

Yep. It's the quantity of work. They would love to do it 50 hours a week.[/quote]

And the fact that no vacation (or even weekend) is EVER just a vacation/weekend. There is always SOME work to do. Big Law partners do no vacation anywhere without reliable high speed internet and a place to get work done. I have heard this from countless partners. One literally travels with her own printer. [/quote]

I am a partner at a big firm (top wall st firm) and literally never in my life heard of this…

But it IS true that I will never take a true vacation. I will always have to be sort of working….but I dont need a printer…ever.[/quote]

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