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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is so obnoxious. Just quit your job and go back when you’re ready. It sounds like your employer has been generous and you’re exploiting them at that point. [/quote]

Not op. You are a big problem with what is wrong in this country. GTFOOH[/quote]

This is so OP. You are just frustrated with the responses because no one is saying "after I took 6 months off, I requested another 10 months and my employer promoted me two weeks after I got back. It was great being there for Larla in her first 16 months but never actually needing to leave the workforce because my company let me take as much time as I needed to be mentally and physically and emotionally ready to leave her with a nanny."

Unfortunately, our country doesn't have good maternity leave policies but OP is so lucky that her company gives employees 6 months of paid leave. She is not the person I feel bad for when it comes to maternity leave. Even some type of universal leave will likely only cover 12 weeks. [/quote]

OP here. I didn’t write this. This forum is so f-ing toxic. Accusing me of lying about this being my second kid. JFC. I’m done here. This made everything so much worse. [/quote]

Well then, how did it go when you took maternity leave the last time at your company? And as a mom of multiple children whose taken multiple leaves, I find it really surprising that you're having trouble going back after six months with your second...but you went back after six months with your first no problem...I'm assuming no problem because if you had trouble going back after six months with your first why wouldn't you have had a conversation about taking more than six months with your employer upfront?

And why won't you just say how much time you plan to take? Why ask about others' experiences and for advice and then refuse to answer a very basic piece of information? [/quote]

What is wrong with you? (not OP here though I'm sure you'll accuse me of being OP because even though there are at least two of us on here defending OP you are convinced we don't exist).

OP does not know how much time she will take. She is unsure of how much it might be okay to ask for. THAT IS WHY SHE CAME TO THIS FORUM. She does not need to tell YOU how much time should would like, she owes you nothing. She is asking if others have asked for unpaid leave in this situation, if so how much they asked for, and what was the outcome. She is gathering information to prepare for a conversation/negotiation with her employer. I am someone who has been through this and replied upthread (where I reported that my director was a hard no on more leave so I quit my job, but was later told by a friend in HR that if I had gone through HR instead of my director, it's more likely I would have gotten leave because the company actually had a written policy that it offers up to a year of unpaid leave for new parents and I could have made an argument based on precedent).

Anyway, OP is unsure how much to ask for. I understand this because when I was in the same situation, I was also unsure -- I knew I wasn't ready and I wanted ted to (1) get my PPD under control, and (2) have a bit more time to find better quality childcare because a huge part of my anxiety about returning is that the only childcare we'd found did not feel okay to me but I was sitting on a bunch of waitlists with no idea when they'd move.

I wound up asking for 6 weeks OR to return immediately but on a part-time WFH basis because I'd found a co-working space with childcare in-house that had space and I felt I could return immediately if I could be in the same building as my kid. Both requests were denied.

So here's what I'm having trouble with: if you are indeed a working mom of multiple children, I'm assuming you've met and interacted with other moms before. Have you really never encountered another mother whose experience does not precisely mirror yours with respect to childbirth and return to work? For every one of their pregnancies? I know tons of moms and I absolutely know moms who took longer leaves with their second kids because of unforeseen circumstances (PPD/PPA, a physically tough pregnancy or a birth injury, unexpected childcare issues when juggling two kids, etc.). I also know people who took their permitted leave for each kid and no issues. I know people like me who wound up quitting when they couldn't go back at the expected time. I know people who negotiated a deal like I tried to negotiate, with part-time return or a bit of unpaid leave to bridge the gap. I know a huge variety of situations which means I'm not really judgmental of any particular situation.

So how the heck did you have multiple kids and presumably meet a decent number of other moms and not get the memo that not everyone has the exact same situation? What is wrong with you that you are this antagonistic of a situation that doesn't even concern you (OP presumably doesn't work with you or for you). Like I hate when people say this on here because it sounds dismissive but I mean it genuinely: I think you need therapy. [/quote]

Actually, OP needs therapy. She went on anonymous forum and asked other working moms for advice on how much extra maternity leave to take (how can anyone really give her helpful advice on this topic without knowing her, her employer, her role at work, if she gets solid reviews, etc.) and then got angry when she received advice she didn't like. Now in her mind the advice she received represents what's wrong with America, the people providing the advice must be jealous of her or don't understand they are not her boss (we're definitely not jealous and rest assured, we understand we're not your employer), and the people providing the advice must not understand she is a highly paid white collar worker, etc. :roll:

OP needs therapy because she has no idea what she needs, quite clearly. Her question is unclear and doesn't even make sense. If I took six months of paid maternity leave and then asked my employer for two weeks of additional leave and my employer said no why would it mean that OP's employer would say no? Why would it mean that if OP took two more weeks of leave that she would be ready to return to work? OP doesn't know how much extra time she wants (she's crowdsourcing this, which is bizarre) and OP can't articulate what would make her feel ready/what made her feel ready the last time she returned to work. She likely doesn't know what would make her feel ready to go back and this is why she sounds like a first time mom to me. OP also seems genuinely surprised about not feeling ready to go back to work and that screams first time mom to me because almost no one feels ready to go back to work after their maternity leave and you would know this if you had more than one kid and you would have figured out how to navigate these feelings with your first or you would have quit and become a SAHM.

It's hard to be a working mom and staying at home for a week or two or a month more likely won't change that, but it may jeopardize OP's job. That's the message that many of us are trying to get across to OP. In many cases your employer will probably be displeased and your colleagues will definitely be displeased.

As for examples, there aren't a ton of examples out there because most women in the US don't get six months of paid maternity leave and after taking it - especially with their second - turn around and say to their employer 'I'm not ready to come back yet.. How about I take X more weeks/months off. Thanks!' I know one person, a friend, who took additional leave on top of her employer's 24 weeks of leave and that person had been at her company (in the same role, no upward movement) for around five or six years. She used her vacation time - no unpaid time - and took 28 or 29 weeks with her first and around the same amount of time with her second, who was three years younger than her first. She arranged all of this in advance though - so her employer had appropriate coverage - and at 39 she has not been promoted in the intervening period and is still a manger-level individual contributor. I will say that she was very stressed coming back from both leaves about taking any vacation or time off because she took so much maternity leave (she also didn't have any vacation to burn as she'd used it all) so that's an important consideration. You use a lot of social capital up with maternity leave and more so if you extend it, even if you plan to do so in advance and your employer gets coverage in place.

OP's biggest mistake in all of this was not seeking therapy prior to her maternity leave and figuring out prior to her maternity leave what she needed to ask for. Her second biggest mistake was not getting therapy while on maternity leave to figure out what she needs and what she wants. Her third biggest mistake was not trying to find a WFH job while on maternity leave. And her fourth biggest mistake will probably be asking her employer for more time - thereby p*ssing her employer off and then taking that time and going back to work bitter and angry despite the fact that she's taken 28 weeks off and p*ssed off her employer.

[/quote]

How in the literal f do you know OP hasn’t done any of those things? Your response could have been extremely helpful if you shared the information on your friends leave, but instead you are assuming and attacking OP for zero reason. just wow. [/quote]

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