Reply to When a friend always brings down the mood with their trauma, would this be okay?

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Reply to "When a friend always brings down the mood with their trauma, would this be okay?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in this friend's situation. My solution was to stop talking to people. Trauma is isolating. People don't understand, and though they love to think of themselves as lovely and caring, they're really just great big hypocrites.

Such a shame about your mood having been brought down, though, right?[/quote]

I’m doing this now.

Sorry my annoying life is a bummer, man. I didn’t mean to lose everything. But I did. Whomp whomp. I’ve learned that it’s easier to avoid people than risk being a “bummer” at a party. Traumas effects are so far flung. [/quote]

If you were truly “traumatized,” you wouldn’t be at the party at the first place. I did not attend parties following my traumatic birth experience and PTSD. My friend who just lost her husband at the age of 39 is not attending parties. “Traumatized” people do not go to parties until they work through their issues and are feeling stronger and happier. And if they show up and realize they can’t handle it, they quietly leave. They do not ruin a celebratory event for others. They know the difference between a party and a small gathering of close friends, where it would be fine to say hey I need a little extra support tonight. [/quote]

People process trauma in different ways, and there is no one way to do it. Also, some traumas have a lot of stigma and survivors are encouraged/forced to pretend everything is fine or told that what happened is not actually trauma. This is common with sexual assault, but especially molestation. Also other forms of abuse and harassment where the perpetrator is in a position of power over their victim and can continue to control their behavior after the fact. These e pertinences are a form of ongoing trauma.

It’s a very different experience than experiencing a traumatic event that is publicly acknowledged and where you don’t experience victim blaming or silencing. Not worse, just different.

Also people without support networks (especially without family support) are more likely to continue socializing even when they are dealing with PTSD, because the alternative is to be completely alone.

I’m not arguing trauma dumping is good, but there are reasons why other people don’t experience trauma the exact same way you do, or why they might engage in behavior you don’t like. To say “well they must not be traumatized because they aren’t acting the way I did after my trauma” is to ignore nuanced situations and to abandon empathy. It ultimately doesn’t help.[/quote]

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