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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister has a toddler who my parents have never met. She lives a few hours away from them. They texted that they were in the area on the baby’s first birthday (probably by chance, we don’t think they actually kept up with the birthdate). My sister invited them over for cake and to meet their grandchild, and they said no thanks, they were on vacation and didn’t want to mess up their schedule for the day. Whenever she gets upset that her friends have helper parents and she doesn’t have a built in sitter for emergencies, I sometimes ask if she’d actually want to leave her child with them after that. There’s no way I could trust someone who refuses to be involved at that level.

It took me a while to understand that she’s more upset that she doesn’t have the parents she needed as opposed to being upset that our parents won’t come visit or help out. Our parents are not the type most people would want caring for small children. I’m sorry for her that she’s dealing with those emotions, and that she’s still holding onto that sliver of hope that they'll change and that she feels anger every time they don’t. I’m getting a lot of that vibe off of OP’s posts. I hope you’re able to find some peace and let go of the anger.

All that said, I lived hundreds to thousands of miles from extended family when my kids were small. Even when we had family who wanted to help, the distance and everyone’s schedule usually didn’t allow for it. We had to do it ourselves or hire the help, and while it was frustrating and expensive, we survived. I wished things could be different, but I guess I don’t see the point of spending that much mental energy on being angry at people who won’t change and aren’t obligated to help, especially when I don’t actually like them or want to be near them. 
[/quote]

Wow to your parents. Being in town on grandchild who they never met's first birthday and declining invite is truly something.[/quote]

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