Reply to I don't think I can be friends with moms who drive huge SUVs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t care about the SUV’s specifically but yes these types of people are why I don’t really have good friends. I can’t relate to them at all - we are friendly acquaintances and that’s it.

I feel the same about the ski trips out west, home remodels, country clubs, private schools, etc. It’s just never ending for many of these families and I feel like an alien visiting a foreign land I don’t understand. And I’ve been here 15 years.[/quote]

This, I don't get any of it. It's a values system I wasn't raised with and don't understand.

The thing in the OP I most relate to is that feeling when you notice that a bunch of the people around you all have the exact same thing, like there was a memo that went out. It reminds me of this one woman on my neighborhood listserv who sometimes posts things like, "Ok y'all, what shoes are we all buying for the littles now? Are Natives still in or have people found something better?" It is always extremely jarring to me because she's not asking for a recommendation, she wants to know what "everyone" is doing so that she can do it too. This is such a strange way to go through life, it would not occur to me. When I see her posts, I always click on them so I can read them and the responses, it's like being Jane Goodall or something. Fascinating, but something I observe from a distance.[/quote]

PP and yes this exactly. It’s a whole mindset, not just the SUV. I feel like such an imposter and so out of place. I think “my people” are probably somewhere in rural New England but I hate the cold and winter so no idea where I will go when my kids finish HS. Thank goodness my DH gets it and gets me. If not I would be totally lost. [/quote]

Meh, I feel like the shoe example sounds like something I would say to my friends.  Not bc I want to be the same, but bc I know they have probably done some research to figure out what the best shoes are for kids and I want to reap the benefits of that[/quote]

Nah, that's still "wanting to be the same" but just subconscious. You are outsourcing your decision making to other people because you assume they know better, or because you don't want to put in the effort yourself. You might tell yourself, "this isn't about my kids having the same shoes, or us driving the same car, or going on the same vacations as everyone we know -- it's just smart outsourcing." But the thing you are outsourcing is not "research" it's "thinking". And people outsource thinking so they don't have to think for themselves.

Plus there is safety in doing what others do because then if you make a mistake, it's the same mistake everyone made. If it turns out that SUVs are hella dangerous and destroying the environment, oh well, everyone I know did the same shitty thing so no one can get mad at me, personally. If it turns out those rubber shoes are made by enslaved children in Asia, oh well, at least I'm not the only one. And so on. You are hiding in the safety of numbers, which is the exact same thing all these other people are doing.

It's groupthink. You're a sheep. Maybe you are fine with it, but it's what you are.[/quote]

Lol, ok.  [/quote]

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