Reply to If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Re: CCR communities, it's not about needing the motivation, it's the money those places cost. Those places are expensive and extremely expensive in the DMV. Fine it you have so much money that you don't need to care if you're there 10 years vs 20 years, vs 25 years. It's a lot of money. Again, fine if the extra money, of 10-15 more years of living there, isn't going to worry you. That's not a worry I want at 65 or 70.[/quote]

I guess I'll address this on 2 levels. 
First of all, CCRC communities, or independent livings, are 100% absolutely not appropriate for anyone in their 60s, and still probably not in their 70s. I am sure there are exceptions,  for various  esoteric reasons, but let's not pool everyone who has retired in one age group. Very different lifestyles, interests, motivations between 60s and 70s and 80s. It's generational.

Cost- sure, there is a large " buy in" and high monthly rental costs.  But, if you've been through, with an elderly relative,  what that cost looks like without a CCRC situation, it's so mych mire affordable. Needing 24 hour care, assisted living, or anything close to it will wipe our everything and a Medicaid facility is basically no care. We are in our 60s, and of course we aren't looking into a CCRC now at all, in fact, we are not looking at anything to do differently than what we are doing now, but in our 80, yep! CCRC is the plan. Here's the catch..we both have to be healthy to go. So, it's a bit of a crap shoot as to when to go. [/quote]

It really depends on location. There absolutely are people in their 70s at CCRCs-most of the ones we saw and yes it varied with 60s, but there were people in their 60s as well. CCRCs absolutely are appropriate, but yes they can be cost prohibitive in this area, but perhaps not in other areas.

In my own family the people who truly were involved enough to see reality didn't want to make their kids' lives a living hell with emergencies and worry so they moved to appropriate settings. I find the ones like my parents deluded themselves. I always raise an eyebrow when someone brags about relatives being spry and in tip top condition through 80s and 90s or even frankly late 70s. I believe it happens, but I also think a lot of people allow their brains to play tricks on them. My own sibling went into denial despite visiting often. I was there much more often living closer and saw the REAL reality he refused to see. It boggles the mind how a physician could see someone clearly in the throws of Alzheimers and say he was totally fine. Keep in mind I was enduring rage fits from other parent in denial to get him evaluated and a brain scan basically showed quite a bit of erosion of the hippocampus of this parent who was as they claimed "sharp as a tack." Then, they all changed their story to him having rapid onset decline when it was so clear this had been going on for a decade! I could go on and on with the denial.

It's not just even that they don't see the person enough. In college over a break I decided to venture out to visit a grandparent in AL nobody visited because she had become so abusive. (I suspect it was frontal temporal lobe dementia, but nobody in the family admits she ever had cognitive impairment of any kind. I was assured she did not have dementia, etc but due to physical needs and more emotional outbursts she needed AL. So I visited. She was not oriented to person, place or time. She thought i was her sister. She talked about her grandkids (like me) as though we were babies teething. Yep, sure, no dementia on that side of the family...whatever you say mom!

There are so many family myths about how people aged and I do think part of the denial is because it causes people too much anxiety to face reality. It's fine if you want to bury your head in the sand and do as you please and assume it all falls apart at 90. If you don't expect your kids to hop to for every emergency and you don't expect them to do anything than there is nothing wrong with doing as you please. If you expect help, then you need to be a decent person and think about their needs too. They didn't chose to be born. You don't parent in the hopes they will be your free case manager, emergency caregiver, etc. If you want help you need to be kind, gracious and accommodating so people are willing to give up their vacation days from work and take time away from their own children to find you the best care when needed. You need to have something in place so they don't lose their jobs coming to you for every emergency.[/quote]

There is literally no one in their 60s in a CCRC unless there is an unusual situation. Earky 70s maybe, but rare. A person would feel very uncomfortable  there in this age range, like a nightmare.  Sorry.  You may not be thinking the same thing as what we are referring to.

I really think there is a age perception here on this thread that is glaringly weird. Elderly is not a thing at 60 unless you are under 60, I guess. [/quote]

CCRC included independent living. Yes, there are people in the late 60s and 70s-moreso 70s.

The problem with things like dementia is often the person with it, thinks nothing is wrong at all.

Nobody is telling you at 60 to take a van with your girlfriends to the theater. They are saying by your 60s you need to start planning and things can really start falling apart in your 70s-especially late 70s.

Yes, we know you can get cancer young or get hit by a bus. Look, do as you please, but your backup plan should not be your own adult children often with their own children being at your beckon call if you don't age well and never moved to an appropriate place.[/quote]

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